You're gonna hear me roar

I'M STRESSED.
I CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
I DON'T WANT TO SIT DOWN ALL DAY TO STUDY.
ALL TEACHERS KEEP EMPHASING ON RETAINING BLABLABLA.
I REALLY WANT TO GO OUT AND PLAY.
Everyone watched weekly idol except me... :-(

Okay, my life would have no direction if life were like this. Unfortunately, my life does not even have 1/8 of freedom.
Weekday routine....
Go to school and sleep from 7am to 7.30am.
Breaks: Eat then study.
Home: Study/do work until 12/2
Weekend routine....
Saturday: GP, study, church, study, sleep.
Sunday: study + watch shows (at night)

WELL...
Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to watch shows today because I had to do PW and YFC reports and I'm really pissed at myself because I had forgotten that there is a geog test on Wednesday and I'm no where near start. I could've subbed chemistry and physics that I studied this afternoon for geog so that I won't be stuck in this situation now.
Its not that I'm a mugger but its because I can't understand some new concepts so I've to spend a lot of extra time to understand them. And this 65% is not a joke anymore.
PW is really eating me up slowly. All my slack time is being used to either do PW of YFC. I emphasize that I HAVEN'T HAD THE CHANCE TO WATCH ANY SHOWS. And my sleep time is being pushed back because I inserted PW in the middle.
I'm expected to reply to important messages and I don't have a freedom of when I want to reply... NOT when it shows 'last seen seconds ago'... Somehow I wished that whatsapp don't exist so that I can act like I did not read a single thing and that I do not have a generate a single reply.

I've so many things that I want to do that I've yet to do. My quiet time is probably only when I bathe or while travelling. Somehow... I rather travelling alone because I feel that I need my own quiet time... Especially when I walk home.
Mmmmm I had an anxiety attack on Tuesday night. I guess its because I didn't do anything except EOM that night. I dreamt of failing promos, retaining and being a disappointment to everyone that I woke up at 2am and had to force myself to do some work till 3.30am till I sleep.

Clearly, I can't afford to screw anything up or I'm screwed. 30 days to promos....

It's cliché, but the grass is always greener on the other side :-)
I'm going for infinite's concert on the 5th October and I've got a pretty good seat! :-) and promos end on the 3rd of October.

 

And I'm so proud of EXO for winning every single music show this week. #Growl7thwin today :-) 

AND THIS IS MY MOTIVATION.

I'm trapped

This whole week sucks. Monday was terrible, Tuesday was terrible, Wednesday was horrendous, Thursday was terrible and Friday (today) is terrible.
Everyday is terrible and I'm not in a mood to actually talk to anyone especially during camp.

I feel that people should learn to be humble yeah? This whole leadership summit was an eye opener because I've experienced so many things that I've not felt in 3 days. Proud people, noisy people, whinny people, people who can't take things seriously... yadiee yadaa. Some people are so damn proud that I sometimes wonder who got them to where they are and if they are really passionate of who they are serving or just for the sake of portfolio.

Okay to be honest, I spent most of my time on YFC and I've learnt so much more than the leadership summit. The world is an indeed a scary place. Talk about being really daring, sending out many mails requesting for sponsorship and nothing in return. Talk about money and how the world really works. Its not simple. Today's amazing grace was an eye opener which made me feel really terrible.
what struck me was this line "is it free?"
We were giving out post cards with notes of encouragement written on it and people just rejected it and some only accepted it because its free. So people only care if its free... Then I had this thought: What will happen if I'm trying to raise funds for an organization, trying to promote a cause. Will people be willing to spend money to buy it?
Honestly, I feel really terrible now because my YFC team and I went straight to khong guan to knock on the doors to ask about our sponsorship letter and they just told us they rejected it which I feel that they could have at least emailed to tell us that they rejected it so that our trip would not be wasted.  But its the harsh reality. Money, financial budget... Its not as simple as what we think.

I've no idea what I'm rambling about but many thoughts came across my mind throughout the whole of today. And honestly, I've learnt a lot because of these difficulties we're currently facing and I still think that we can still be the change even though its not easy in this fast moving society. I've a feeling that there will be more of such shitty weeks and shitty days in term 3 because there will be YFC, Alevel Chinese Oral, PW, Common Test, Chem SPA, Physics SPA.

This is really scary...

啊~怎么办好！

No, this will not be in Chinese. But I found that line quite relatable now. Instead of What's going on. (you can skip the first part of this because I'm fangirling)
In my previous entry which was like 16 days ago, I mentioned that I really want EXO to comeback and I've probably mentioned the same thing my previous posts since forever.
So the good news is... on this faithful day, 16 May 2013, SM decided to upload 2 pictures and say that they're coming back. Like seriously. I was too happy that I couldn't control myself because I've simply waited for too long.
And yesterday was the faithful day that exo has comeback and their stage was a little too small but it was amazing.
Though I didn't watch it live or whatever, I'm just happy that they finally comeback and I've been counting down. While people countdown to common test, I countdown to exo's comeback. By the way its really good okay. All their hair color *-* so luhan's was not grey, baek's was not blonde and everything else is the way I wanted EXCEPT KAI. But their comeback is too good okay.
 

what actually happened the last 16 days. Unfortunately, I wasn't camping in a hole and I wasn't swallowed by a giant centipede either.
I was preparing hard for their comeback. Who am I kidding. I was doing tutorials. duh. Even though there was the announcement of exo's comeback and all I was still stressed because everything was starting to pile on me again.
1) EOM
2) Chinese exam???
3) GP paper (today)
4) Mission to understand gravitation
5) completing chemistry tutorials because they finished one entire chapter within 1.5 hours.
6) completing math tutorials because application of differentiation can kill me at the moment. Every question took me years to complete. I'm very worried for my common test when June is over. And I think I deserve a standing ovation because I juggled...
7) YFC.
Dear Vivian, YFC is youth for causes and not youth fan-club even though I've been fangirling for the past 24 hours.
YFC certainly took up quite a bit of time because of the meetings with the VWO, visiting the elderly and I really want to write a post on my visit but it dragged on for 2 weeks that I can't really remember what went on anymore. Now that YFC has officially launched, more will be expected of me I guess. But its all going to be worth it. I'm doing something meaningful in my life apart from studying and not contributing anything to the society. I can't spend hours sitting beside daddy, on his tablet (Because I'm too lazy to use mine) and go like 我是wolf一头wolf, awooooo ah saranghaeyo 你是美女我是狼 for the next 30 days right. I need to practise self control...

Anyway, the term has officially ended and this term was a matter of surviving for me because I had too many things going on and I didn't really know what was going on most of the time and I was just going with the flow. However, I've found a pretty effective way of studying (actually, I knew about it but I haven't been doing it) but it is really effective and I can actually find time here and there to watch we got married and running man. LOL I actually do whatever the teacher teach during the lecture on the day itself.

I'm grateful that my CG mates has been through with me for the past term and I don't think I'll make it without them because honestly, it was tough. I yearn for freedom and I want to play. /relates to today's GP compre/
I feel that the class has become more bonded while I think my introverted self took over during this term and I've no idea why. I can't seem to express myself or sometimes, I barely feel like talking to anyone. Sometimes, I voice out what I want to do but to a no specific person.

I hope that term 3 will be better even though its clearly not. But who says that I can't make it better?
CTs has officially started and I'm gonna ace it. At least PASS it. (though I think GP and Chinese was screwed).

17 May 2013
Went back to St Nicks and met up with my secondary school friends. I met up with the almighty cutie Beatrice whom I've not seem for 4-5 months and I really miss her a lot. I haven't had any time to catch up with her because there were too many people to catch up with but we did gwiyomi player together!

and I saw Xuan, Joan, Alicia and the juniors. I was once like them. I miss being a junior right now...

Jazlyn, Alicia, me, Huijan.

Joan and I

And everyone else.
I actually missed everyone and I haven't got the chance to catch up with everyone yet. But nonetheless, I'm still grateful that I got to see them and even step into the grounds of SN. I miss the smell and the feeling of real grass. I miss the familiar surrounding that I've been in for 10 years of my life.



Its going to be a rather hectic and crazy June holiday ahead and I'm really going to try my best to juggle my time and not waste time and concentrate properly so that I can slack on Sunday Morning and on Sunday night! They're my official slack time so I'm going to motivate myself all the way and do well and do myself and my parents proud.
-In fact, it doesn't feel like the holidays... There is school next Monday and Tuesday.
My well deserved holidays week 1 gone. BUT its okay, Time Management.
 
My current fears:
1) Getting dengue

I read the newspapers today (yesterday's mind and body etc) on dengue and I'm seriously damn scared of dengue because dengue can take away a person's life. Not that I'm scared of dying but it was just a bite. :(
Well, I just hope that everyone will stay healthy and that Singapore will fight the mozzies together by co-operating with NEA and do the checks around the house and remove stagnant water. (Its not a matter of saving water anymore) Its better prevention than cure. Because never will we will never know that how many people will be affected with the mozzies reared in our house. Its scary huh.

By the way, getting sick = slows down studying = cannot relax = don't do well and yaddie yadda. Its pretty scary okay.

2) Failing CTs

I thought that was self explanatory.
I'm.....
W
O
R
R
I
E
D


I think I've rattled enough. Finally saying something from my pool of thoughts the past few weeks.

 

 

 

Fire

Its a Tuesday and I know that I shouldn't be updating or even be using the computer.
But I'm forgiving myself because I'm not feeling well and I'm feeling nostalgic and all.
The thought of going back to SN this Friday makes me feel so hyped up because I can't wait to see my beloved juniors and friends.

So for the past week, I've been reaching home past 9pm-10pm almost daily and I swear it was no joke because my tutorials kept piling. On the other side, I've barely nothing exciting this week except Friday.

I was reminiscing the moments when I was in St Nicks while I was listening to some old songs that I listen to during that period.
- Only U by 10cm
- Dazzling girl by SHINee
- Mama by exo
- Boyfriend by Boyfriend
- Live while we're young by one direction
- Beautiful goodbye by Maroon 5
and many more...
It reminds me of those night study session when I stayed in school to study and be productive for 2-3 hours before heading home to sleep. At times, we did many retarded stuff such as walking around barefooted because our feet got wet. There are times when I actually miss eating tau huey and macs with Ayana and Beatrice. Sometimes, I also remember Ms Yee nagging at me to study and me pestering Ms Yee because I simply had to many questions to ask. I do remember me telling Ms Yee cold jokes and pick up lines too.
Those were the pleasant times spent together. I also miss studying with Marissa though she can be quite a pain in the ass (Sorry Mar), Angeline, Sarah, belly, Michelle and everyone else. I really wished that there was SNJC and that we can all go there together. But unfortunately, life sucks and NO, we're not together anymore. :(
There were unpleasant times when things got out of hand well, for me when I felt like giving up and that there was no meaning in life. There was this heated debate and discussion that Marissa and I had on whether what we studied exist and how do we know they exist etc.

During the olevel period...
- Return by Lee Seung Ki.
- Red by Taylor Swift.
- Daylight by Maroon 5.
- Hug me by 10cm
- Bruises by train
- Beautiful by Carly ft Bieber
I recalled Vivian and I doing retarded stuff together well... even before Olevels. Oh and going home together, buying macs and all. I really miss this retarded person. I don't know what gave me the strength to press on but I certainly did and well I didn't score that bad for Olevels. Just that disappointment because I don't have higher Chinese unlike everyone else so I can't go to any better schools. But I'm satisfied with SA ;D

After Olevels...
- 60 Seconds by Sunggyu
- Guy like me by 100%
- I got a boy by SNSD
- Look at me now by yoseob
- Janus by Boyfriend
- Tried to walk by B1A4
- Special girl by Infinite H
Well... that was when I worked. I remember hanging out with Carnation after work.. Well, she was in Taka while I was at scotts and we were hanging out at our favourite Wendy's for like 2hours and only went home at 12am. Then there was the sale when I worked from 7.30am to 12am the next day, caught the last train home, unfortunately not the last bus and basically having my concert while walking home because it was too scary to walk home at 12.30am. And the scariest part was to climb up 15 stories because THE LIFT WAS NOT WORKING at 12.45am coming to 1am okay. This is not funny. What If some pedo decide to jump out of nowhere.
Though I hated working because it restricted me from going out freely, I think I still managed to get off days to hang out with all my friends. Eating Thai Express after work (all of us gathered from center point, scotts and Robinsons raffles city) with Xenia, Lynnette and Vivian. I really miss eating TomYam with Vivian. It is like OUR FOOD. HAHAHA. Because we seem to have many epic moments when we eat Thai Cuisine, speaking of which, I'm craving for Thai food right now. Then there is this hanging out after work or working even though I don't have to work. Okay basically crashing other people's work place and promote stuff there while waiting for them to knock off so that we can go makan together.
OMG I also miss KTV-ing with belly and Vivian, Sharlene and Beatrice.




By the way, I'm totally in love with B1A4 again. The concept is so cheery that it makes me happy and hyped up even while doing math. Sanduel looks like a derp even when he sings and behold my favourite songs off their What's going on album...

• WHAT'S GOING ON
• YESTERDAY

Side note: though I 'mug' I'm not a mugger k :'(
Everyone is calling me a mugger because I do my tutorials and all. Meh. I thought that was my job as a student. Besides I've got a life k. I fangirl, I sleep a lot, watch shows and I go out. I don't camp at home and study all day unlike some people...
Oh and I'm still waiting for the day EXO announces their comeback. :( Its been 6months plus already and B1A4 comeback TWICE. Okay. This is unfair.

-

Sometimes I feel like a terrible person.

I should refrain from listening to gossips and participating in some of them.
Be nicer to some people even though they're annoying.
AND STILL DON'T LEND MY WORK TO THE PERSON. (I'm sorry. I'm a selfish person. I won't lend my work to someone who tells me to stop ****ing studying.)
And maybe just shut up and not tell anyone what I observe and keep everything inside.- simply because being quite observant and blurting everything out may affect the people around me.

I'm a non-people oriented person. (which its really rare) I remember doing the test and it turns out that I'm the only content&action oriented person or something. Which is rather true.

But I feel so terrible because I don't lend my work to the person, I ignore people who talk non-stop or comment non-stop during lectures and tutorials - I even gossip about them because they get really annoying.

I should learn to tolerate I guess.

I need to stop blurting all my observations openly because you've no idea what I've done. I feel terrible. I really feel like a terrible person because I think I've affected people's relationship with another unknowingly.
Maybe I should go back to keeping everything in me and hopefully they stay as a secret with me till I leave JC and hopefully for life.

Leaving SN and meeting SO many different people and adjusting to them is really a hard thing to do.
如温室里的小花似的。
I need to learn.
 I'll be a good person from now on- I'll try my best to accommodate everyone's differences.

why so serious?

I feel that I'm wasting my time...
Though I faired pretty well (not really) for my MSA, I don't see a point in doing something I don't like to do. Its as if I'm forcing myself to do something and trying to make my best out of it because eventually, with these grades, I'll be able to do what I like in the future. But the fact that I really hate my life make me feel like giving up on my ambition and just be a gardener for good. I don't even think I can be a gardener because the subjects that I'm taking is not even gardening-related. -.-
In fact I'm very distracted by many things around me... negatively. I can't adjust to the mix school environment, I can't adjust to having different types of classmates and I can't adjust to the people here in SA. Both Saints Advocate and 13S06. I also can't adjust to the fact that I've to study everyday. I really can't.
I can't just go with the mindset: its just tutorials. and don't do them or I can't do tutorials the day before. There are times when I just wake up in the middle of the night sweating because I didn't finish this certain tutorial or assignment. There are times that I even dream of physics or chemistry and I wake up in the middle of the night going "I know how to do the question already!" This is seriously getting in my nerves because I get tired the next day but I just can't stop this.

I'm gonna be optimistic. I'd rather do something I want to do for the rest of my life and suffer for these 2 years than to enjoy these 2 years and do something I don't want to do for the rest of my life.
Worries aside... I keep forgetting to eat. Sigh... I just remembered that I've forgotten to eat lunch today.
Well... There are many things I want to learn/do.
1) I want to learn tagalog
2) I want to learn bahasa indo
3) I want to learn Korean (fully)
4) I want to learn Vietnamese (fully)
I can't even master Chinese and English properly. ._.
5) learn mamamia fingerstyle on the guitar

6) complete learning the dance for man in love chorus. (I'm half way through ^^ wanted to go biking but the weather IS terrible. So I decided to do something fun!)
7) biking
8) read those sophie kinesella books that I've yet to read. (1 more)
9) watch variety shows

With 13S06 after sports day!

I hope that B1A4 comeback on the 6th of May with a cheerful album because I'm in need of happy songs to generate some happy hormones in me. 6th of May is also Baekhyun's birthday ^^ and yesung is enlisting too. :'(
I'm stoked for Friday.. Not because of the saints advocate badge ceremony but its SHINee's comeback with their 3rd album chapter 2 "misconceptions of me". Though its without jonghyun and all, I'm still looking forward to their new album simply because they look cool. (Y)(Y).

By the way, I was listening to some old songs yesterday such as I'll be back (2pm), Again & Again (2pm), lollipop (big bang and 2NE1), can't nobody (2NE1), 黑糖秀(by lollipop and hey girl), abracadabra (BEG), Its you (suju) etc. I looked at the year the video was uploaded and I can't believe that time passed really quickly! I was still a sec 1 back then and now I'm a year one college student! 4-5 years just flew past. The type of song produced have changed a lot too! 
By the way Psy's gentleman is too much dubstep. I don't get why people like gentleman... When I first saw the video and I saw the dance moves, I thought the moves were recycled. Then I recognised Ga In in the music video and I realised that it was from abracadabra. I don't care whether he bought or whatsoever but I'm sure he can do better. The lyrics are terribly written and its a mess. I didn't move to kpop for this.
I think that this entry is in a mess too.
Shall update on my MSA results this sunday. (left with chem!)

Pre MSA thoughts

Tomorrow is officially the start of the almighty MSA period in which I've got to admit that I'm very stressed now. -That's why I'm here instead of studying for GP and CHINESE.
Some of my friends have told me 'Why stress? It's only 5%'
In my opinion, MSA is very important because it indicates my current performamce in JC and my understanding of the topic. AND I'LL NEED IT TO HELP ME IF I CAN'T MAKE IT FOR PROMOS.
This is an area of confidence in which I certainly DO NOT POSSESS or I'm lacking in.
People expect highly of me because I can help them with some concepts but little do they know that everything boils down to the ability to applying the concepts within a given time frame under extreme pressure-people on your right and left furiously scribbling and there you're struggling here and there... or simply, the answer you've written is too short and when ypur hear the flipping of the pages.
I'm not aiming to take any H3 content in j2 or to be on the honour roll for any subjects but all I'm asking for is to get a grade of my expectation-straight B and Cs. I don't want to be a mugger and even though JC is about surrendering your life to the books, I don't want to waste two years without any memories and enter that zone... I want to spend time with my classmates, cca mates and strike a balance with studying-something which I yearn to have.
Though its MSA, life still goes on. I don't want a huge snowball chasing after me and eventually crushing on me... so I still have lots of tutorials to do. And chemical bonding is mindblowing-sickeningly weird.
Alright, that's about it.
Goodbye.

JC term 1 2013

Term one passed by in a blink of an eye. (this blogpost is written bus 58)
I still rememberthe first day when I stepped into SAJC. I felt so scared that I thought that everyone would have their own clique and being like one of the very few st nicks girl there, I do not know anyone and it was certainly a new environment for me.

Nonetheless, I made many new friends, both from my OG (OG24), my CG (13S06), my cca (SAINTS ADVOCATES). I've also met many different kinds of people here in SA. So we've got bitchy boys, annoying boys and boys who are blunt while talking to other boys...Does that even make sense? I've also met a few female friends here in SA.. Well, not the bitchy nature that we have in SN... Or maybe its because I've really hilarious classmates. Vanessa who never fail to make us laugh, bijuan who motivates me... Janessa who brings us together through us commenting on her drawings... Not only that, we've got bryan who helps us with chem and math (even though he is really too fast and scary to approach) and a good imitator, messy jason, enthu rosa during chinese... mugger dion and many more. I'm really grateful for such wonderful classmates even though the really stress me at times...

Advocates was another group of people that I've met and I'm grateful that I'm given this chance to join this CCA. Though I'm  a floater and I'll always be, I feel that they're a wonderful bunch. I should talk to some people more. Haha.

All in all, term one was a STRUGGLE.
I started sleeping at 2am daily just because I had to rush my tutorials and try to understand my lecture... Most importantly, I think that WATCHING VIDEOS (my class know this) is an essential part of my JC life simply because I needed help and extra time to replay those VIDEOS... WHY DO I SEEM TO BE TAKING EXTRA TIME TO UNDERSTAND THOSE GRAPHS AND ALL...
It also took me quite some time to adjust to the new environment.... come on luh, I was from an all girls school, same environment for 10 years for goodness sake... what is worrying me now is YFC, PW and MSA. I am really afraid that I screwed up my JC life and I don't want to lag behind everyone simply because I cannot cope. PW dropped a bomb on me. No joke, I'm really stressed about it. Many thoughts ran through my head (its back) on whether I'm suited for JC life and am destined to be a dentist or a plastic surgeon... or transfer to poly to do landscape architecture... But NO! I shall press on and make a difference in one's life as a dentist or plastic surgeon.

Well, since term 2 is here, MSA, CT, PW I'll make the best out of it and now, its a matter of surviving. Its going to be tiring but if there is a will, there is a way.

Aims for this term:

1) complete my tutorials on time (I'll try and consult teachers whenever possible. No procrastination!)

2) work on my Chinese language

3) work on english

4) be less distracted -- use less whatsapp  and fangirl less..

5) try to sleep earlier like at 12am or 1am.

 

btw.. EXO is coming back k. I can't avoid that :p

I CAN DO THIS!

 

EACH ORBITAL CAN HOLD 2 ELECTRONS

Its 3.07am. Yes, I am in Singapore and am still awake. Amazing right? Well, I'm really screwed because pw dropped a bomb on me. 😞😞 And I need to submit my first draft on Tuesday which means with the limited study time here in the hostel, I plan to rush finish all my tutorials since there is team building camp this weekend. Hence, I am still awake at this time. Tomorrow is a really long day... 😒 End at 4.30pm, 7pm-8.30pm got cca workshop.. Im officially screwed up. K since I made the choice to stay up, I'm not going to sleep and I'm going to survive this tomorrow. most importantly, make my time that is not sleeping worth. Sobs. 4hours last night. And 0 tonight. Its okay hahahah Thursday shall be at 11pm... Hopefully..?

Lets make the most of the night like we're gonna die young

Its the end of another long week.
This week was really eventful because many things happened.

Sometimes I really have this strong urge to turn time back to secondary 4. I really don't mind repeating secondary 4 now simply because JC is too tiring. I feel like I'm studying harder than Olevels. Even though I could do my tutorials using common sense, I simply do not understand why things are like that. So I feel very unaccomplished and dumb because I do not understand why things are like that.
Someone tell me how can electron shells have subshell and in each subshells, we have orbitals that hold 2 electrons and then with all the exception case? I even worked physics by randomly deriving formulas and subbing numbers into the equation. :\

Okay, so I went back to St Nicks on Tuesday and I was really glad that jillian 'gave' me the opportunity to go back to st nicks which was to help the juniors with pioneer badge etc. Well, it was a pity that I didn't manage to take a picture with my juniors. I miss them so much. :'( In fact, I miss the fact that I feel like I belong to a CCA. Here, in saints advocate, I feel that we're not bonded... (maybe its just the beginning) but its quite obvious that we already have cliques. Cliques are inevitable but I can't find 'my people'. Moving on, met jazlyn and Elisabeth after going back to SN!

Aww man, I really miss these people a lot. I miss having Jazlyn shouting and nagging at me in her really aunty manner. I really miss joking with Elisabeth and the times spent together with jillian. Its a sad thing that all of us got separated... Well, mainly the dumber ones got separated from the smart ones.

Well, then came Wednesday: THEMOSTANTICIPATEDCAMPOFALLTIMES.
Yeah, because I'm staying in SA hall (the hostel) beside SAJC {:

Its actually a 4 bedder. HAHA. And my roommates are:

Well, we were camwhoring in the dark after lights out. So one thing I find that it was hard to adjust to was that my roommates sleep before 12 ):< and lights out is at 11pm during weekdays and 11.30pm during weekends. Poor me who takes longer than usual to do her work sleep past 12... Like at around 1-2am. Even though we do have table lights but I can't adapt to it. I really wonder how the scholars deal with it and still do well... mmm they're scholars for a reason. :p Friday came and the horrible us can't do laundry for nuts. Wei Lin, Vanessa and I were like omg how to operate the machine. how to use the dryer. blablablabla. Maybe we just suck at it. I just remembered that I've yet to iron my uniform and its sunday already. Which means there is school.
Stayed in the hostel for the whole of today and in fact I napped ):< I was supposed to study to make up for Saturday because I went shopping on my own and spent around $100. What to do... Parents not in Singapore. And now, thinking back, I feel like slapping myself for spending so much money. Portable charger, body soap, shampoo etc. I'm so independent.

Anyway, I've this strong urge to follow the drain/river outside my school.... and JOG BACK to bishan HAHAHA. 4km LOL. I feel like trying... or at least cycle from bishan to here :b

Okay better go eat dinner. Dinner finish at 7pm @.@
byebye!
Next week better be interesting!

Are you happy now

Why do people call us the mugger half? Though I'm glad that I managed to find a group of friends that keep me on track with my work and of course at times, making fun of each other, but I really wish that we're not called the mugger half.

I know that we're all afraid of retaining but this is really stressful when people are at 'blabla' tutorial and here I am still struggling with the topics taught. Or in fact studying because everyone else is studying. Not that I do not want to be in the mugger half but I really don't wanna be called mugger half.

I wonder... How will we be by the end of this year? Why must our class have cliques? I know its inevitable 😒 but why must it be SO DISTINCT. No doubt, SA is a really nice school with great culture but I can't take the pace my classmates are doing. As much as I want to prove people that not going to a top JC doesn't mean that you can't do well.. Because WE GET JUDGED. Every where we go, we get judged.

Im still trying to adjust. Ps I've to be mindful of every action because being touchy in an all girls school is ok but not in a mixed school. REPEAT X100 in my head.

By the way, I realized that many people lack patience when explaining.. I need to adjust to this too... 😌 back to drawing ellipses and hyperbolas.

10.15pm~10.25pm.

12.13am

Honestly, I feel like shit now but I can't spam twitter with all my sad tweets with broken English and short forms because everyone is going to hate me. I can't finish math tutorial 2 on time 😭 and I can't do a like 1/2 the questions. I've till question 5 and I completed till question 2. I don't get asymptotes. 😓😓 I feel pathetic now. I thought that it would be like chem and physics. And that I'd understand it. YES, I understand it but I can't do it. I dont know where to start. This is so frustrating. 😒 plus I keep making careless mistake. At this rate, I can bid dentistry goodbye 😓 okay, even if I don't get into dentistry I still have to do well enough to get Into a good course of my choice (even though my ambition is like gone). And all of a sudden, dentistry seem so far from me. 🚀 Besides, I am struggling with Chinese. Spent 2hours trying to comment on 6 items in which I did it with the help of google translate. THIS IS BAD. I swear. Why can't I be as smart as others. Im starting to struggle here and there. ☹ and everyone else is so smart. They're like way ahead without facing any problems while im like 😌😓. By the way, on the upside of my sad life, I got into saints advocates and Im really thankful that I'm given this opportunity as a servant leader to serve and lead others. 12.25am.

One of a kind

My dad said that he promise to buy me galaxy note and that I should not 'horn'??? him for it. Instead, I should wait for them to come back from Japan in March. Of course they're buying for me.. SOON. Its a pact. But its their money. Okay I think I over reacted in my blogspot because I was so upset that my parents kept shutting me all the time.


Frustrated because I can't solve some question and I feel like smashing my head with the graphic calculator because I just can't get used to it. I keep using the app on my phone even though I have the graph on the GC. Simply because I can use my fingers to zoom in and out. I feel like I'm so stupid. 21st century spoiled brat because I rely too much on the latest technologies. 😒 Something I should be worrying about. Wonder how will the graphic calculator be 10 years down the road. Back to math. I can prove that im not a useless 21st century kid who is too reliant on technology.

Why can't the blogger app on windows phone upload pictures? I feel like writing my own blogger app now. And creating a better tumblr app since the world is complaining about it. 😒 Unfortunately JC life is killing me. Its only the start.    

Oh my so ironic. I just said that I shouldn't complain.

24/7

5 minutes is enough.

I miss SN. I miss the people there. Even though the environment is scary there but I really miss the people there. Everyone is so patient. Even if we're about to explode because we cannot stand each other incessant questions or whatsoever, we still help each other.

I still remember Amanda Neo helping me through mole concept.
Ms Yee answering all my questions be it stupid questions (well a moment of folly) or questions which are in depth. I dont know if I can ever find people patient with me... Patient enough to answer my questions. I dont think anyone can take my curiosity when it comes to science because I think too much. But I need to think or I'll just die.
   

Don't you worry

See heaven's got a plan for you

Lectures have officially started. Well, it didn't go smoothly as what I hoped because the tutors are going at lightning speed. I'm not supposed to be writing my entry now because its a weekday. Then again, my dad fetched me home and I'm home early today....
So, I'm forgiving myself. But this shall not happen again.

I had math lecture and to be honest, if I'm going to have to sit on the 2nd level of the CC to listen to my lecture for the next 2 weeks, I might fail math because I can barely see anything on the screen despite the fact that with glasses, my eyesight is perfect. This is really unfair. They should rotate ):<
I don't mind sitting at the back for Chinese but apparently... My CG is not at the back.
The fact that I can't stand up and shout "Teacher! I cannot see!" and self-invite myself to the front of the classroom or the Lecture theatre/CC makes me more depressed. By the time I reach the 1st level and go in front I would have probably missed 2 pages or knowledge.
By the way, I have the worst chem lecturer on earth. Ms yee :((((( Tell me which lecturer go like
"I hear people talking. Moving on"
Excuse me? If I don't know how to do the examples, there is no way I can move on. Okay, but he is being reasonable on his part because he don't have enough time to wait since we're pre-uni students.
Which means that on my part, I realized that I've to do self-directed learning and make sure I'm a consistent person. NO MORE FANGIRLING.

Windows 8 is really really good! Even though I don't think its very compatible with my laptop because my laptop is for windows 7 and I can't update my software at times. However, I'm still waiting for my surface RT tablet so that I can bring it wherever I want. This is so annoying. And mummy says she will buy me that.

I've decided to go for physics & GP tuition. And apparently, some of my classmates attend Chem, Physics, Math and GP? Erm.... Okay. But I shouldn't be wasting money like this if I'm ok with the subject even though I think I'm just dead for every subject.. And I'm sure my mum is definitely angry and upset that the Graphic calculator cost $158 because I can only use it for 2 years and its just a calculator. (Apparently, she doesn't have faith that my brother will make it to college. WTH. And besides, I doubt we can use the same calculator because they change the model)

To end of...

I still hope that my CG will be more bonded.

Even though we're very different people, I still hope that we can bond more and help each other out.
We've got the muggers, the closet muggers and the hardcore muggers.
I probably fall under mugger now because I feel so pressured by them. I really feel so pressured by them even though its not as bad as St Nicks.
Plus all the teachers scaring me ):<
We've got the jokers too. HAHA. I still remember all the funny incidents together.

'If you're lost and alone or you're sinking like a stone, carry on'

Last week was insane. 4th January to 8th January were the best days of my life.
So the honey moon period is over and I'm expected to start studying soon since I received my lecture notes.
I'm keeping track of my money for now because my dad only transferred $250 to me ):<  It was supposed to be $350 (additional 50) but because I owe him 100 bucks, he transferred less money to me. And at this rate I'm going, I'm certain that I'm going to be broke soon.

• $1.15 for math lecture notes
• $10 for physics lecture notes?
• $7.10 for chemistry lecture notes.
• $161 for graphic calculator (I just cross my fingers and hope that my parents will give me money for this if not I don't have to eat for like 2 weeks already.)

Can't the school be environmentally friendly and post it on asknlearn or something and I can just read it off the laptop/tablet. I'm like some broke soul with no money. And my pay is definitely not to pay for all this shit. Especially the calculator... I told my parents about it and they told me its way above their budget. Thanks a lot. I'm going to ask for a raise in my allowance to pay for my calculator if they don't give me money for it. I'm being reasonable here.

I had a great time with OG24 and 13S06..
Even though OG24, we're still bonded and hopefully, we'll be bonded for life. I really miss those times when we go like "EH SACHPREET! HELICOPTER!" and the entire OG just look up and point at the helicopter. HAHA.
Played wet games on Monday and got really wet.. I was totally soaked with soap and all the funny stuff... Also saboed our OGLs as a whole by pouring water on them..
Went out of school on Tuesday to sentosa! And saw many helicopters there. OG24 build the best sandcastles, unleashing our inner architect talents. To be honest, I never thought building sandcastles would be this fun because it was the first time I ever built a sand castle.
Walked in the rain and got all drenched. Ate fish&Co with my OG and all of us were like fish&co or soup spoon... fish spoon.

That was an expensive meal. And I need to recalculate my expenses because I realize that my money always disappear without me knowing. How upsetting.
On Wednesday, we got into our CGs...
PCMG BABYYYYYYYYYYY.
I hope I made the right choice to take geography. Initially, I wanted econs but I really don't have any interest in that and I don't want to waste 2 years studying something that I don't like even though I know that many people chose econs because it is more practical. Well, NOT FOR ME. Haha. I hope I don't regret my decision in the future. Because if all else fails, I'll be a geography teacher HAHAHAHAHA.
Met my new classmates. Honestly, I was worried because I was afraid that I can't find any friends. Well, I found friends ^^ and still using my social butterfly skills to talk to them. Even though 13S06 already have cliques, but.... in the end, I really hope that we can still bond together as a class. Honestly, it is hard to barge into a clique. I honestly tried that in secondary school. It wasn't fun. I was talking to ZhiQi and he told me about how fun his class was and I was really hoping that my class would be like his (he made me jealous hmpfh!) but then again, 13S06 is really quite bonded already. Haha... During our first lunch together, we had sick stuff flying all over the place. Yes, we're all sick minded. Well, I made many friends there and I'm glad that I've found my circle of friends. I really wished that I could go clique hoping like secondary school but no. Played many games with 13S06 and learnt Axoria cheers. Amazing race on Thursday....

Class identity! HAHAA We're ninjas nin ninjas!

I really hope that 13S06 will be more bonded... I really want to say celine dion fanclub but dion will be angry. We'll be 13S06 forever. Let nature take its course~ Its just like 4Unity. We bonded in the end.


Its Chinese new year day one today.... And here are my CNY greetings....
新年快乐，恭喜发财，年年钓鱼，年年有鱼！
haha my brother and I came up with that! 年年有余 I know the correct one is that but haha who cares. Sound the same can already..
and another that my brother and I created on the car a few years back...
新年快乐，恭喜发财，红包拿来，没有红包，钱包拿来， 没有钱包，给你black eye!

Chinese new year is not so Chinese new year because my grandma passed away last year and everything is in a mess. Not only that, my greatgrandpa (from my mum's side) is in the hospital now. Well, he is 98 and he lead a long and good life. He can still go out buy 4D HAHA. I hope that he suffer less soon (not cursing...) because its painful to see him like this.
I'm going to rot for the next 2 days and start doing math because people already started doing and some finished it and I'm just doing whatever question I feel like.
I've been on whatsapp recently even though I muted all available groups HAHA! But I still read them and OG24 is really R21. Guys, I'm 7. HAHA.
I miss Beatrice so much. Our retardedness and lameness together. And Vivian too. No one to do retarded stuff with me anymore :(

Lessons really starting really soon. Its time to really start studying and working hard... Make sure I get promoted... Class goal: EVERYONE TO BE PROMOTED. My goal: BE PROMOTED.. SHINee and B.A.P are coming back. I'm still waiting for EXO.

Once a saint, always a saint~

A LOT OF THOUGHT

I feel so lonely.
Like there is no one to talk to.
I've already narrowed my JC choices. Nothing much to decide actually.. I'm jumping straight into science stream. I'm only eligible for that. LOLOL.

So my first 5 choices...
1) NYJC
2) AJC
3) SAJC
4) CJC
5) MJC
<<<<<<<6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12)

They remain undecided... I've narrowed down my poly courses already.
C72: dental hygiene (NYP)
N57: biomedical science (NP)
N73: Pharmacy science (NP)
N57: Landscape design and Horticulture -gardening~ (NP)
N74: Environmental&water technology (NP)
N89: Sustainable urban design and engineering (NP)
N82: Film, sound and video (NP)
S98: Biomedical science (SP)

Okay thats really alot.
Ever notice the odd one out. film sound and video is not science related. Maybe I shouldn't even consider that as a choice.. But hey. I'm NOT that bad at film... Look at my masterpiece. Okay. Not really.. I don't really know how to do a lot of stuff... So what I did was the best of my ability and the best of everything around me... No mac book apps and all.

Idk luh. I know its just simple ones. But I really enjoyed doing.

To be honest.. I don't know what I want to do in the future except from being a dentist, a gardener/landscape designer or a director/editor..

Mainly being a dentist...
Looking back at my random work. I have 0 background for those 3. Unless you count my olevel cert for science and math as one part and all those epic work I did above as a background. Which leaves gardening as 0. Okay have luh but also not in dept.

I really have to get into a JC of my choice mainly NY...
But I'll do whatever that comes. I'm afraid that all the schools reject me. Including Poly. I'm so scared. there is this fear in me.