http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUSmcaESHAE
But I'm just so frustrated with my own schedule and all. I feel that I have to talk to someone.. But if I spam teresa on whatsapp... I think she isn't gonna be happy. And the little rat group haha, they won't understand how I feel. Neither I can I go talk to marissa now because I'm sure she'll get frustrated at me. Nor can I talk to carnation cos she probably can't feel me. I can't talk to shihui too because for sure she can't understand me in this situation... Or like that Huijan/Alicia... So basically I feel very lonely now. The almighty social butterfly who keeps in contact with everyone or talk to everyone is currently feeling really lonely now.
Basically.. this is my schedule leading up to 2013 January:
26/12/12-1/1/13: work
2/1/13-3/1/13: grey guides chalet
3/1/13-10/1/13: work
7/1/13-9/1/13: class chalet
5/1/13: CCA fair
9/1/13: vjc open house
Who knows... 10th for all we all know.. might be results day.
Haven't thought of saturday.. Awards ceremony... to collect my money from MOE. Honestly how did I get the award? (I sound like some money face person 'to collect my money from MOE' well its my money right? Its awarded to me for my hardwork which I have no idea how hard I worked)
Okay... so there are the overlapping dates. Work & class chalet. Work & greyguides chalet. Work & VJC open house. Work & CCA fair.
And I just feel like I shouldn't take up this job knowing that my schedule would end up like this. I did not think of those around me. What about Raphaella? I've yet to go out with her.
Then what about class chalet... Months of planning and meeting up... planning of logistics and it crashes..
Greyguides chalet was an off day for me.
And CCA fair. To think I really look forward to visiting guides and seeing all of my juniors. I really miss them a lot. Even though I bet they don't miss me and work comes...
I'm so frustrated with myself. All I thought of was to work, gain experience and get rid of my 'current' decemember boredom + earn some cash so that I don't have to keep asking my parents for money. I did not think of like my employer who have to go through so much trouble to plan my schedule (I actually told her about both chalets during the interviews.. I guess the others slipped my mind) and like she wants to give me commission but my schedule is just like that.. So I'm thinking of not going for like 5hours of chalet and all.. and maybe not attend the open house since its my responsibility and its my job right? I applied for it and I have to take full responsibility. Then again... I did not think of the consequences when I applied for it. And I'm sure Marissa is gonna be annoyed at me for like disappearing half way and all. And I'll be like really upset that I cannot go for CCA fair.
I just feel so bad for everyone around me.. My parents, my classmates (I've yet to go out with teresa), my guides friends (ayana asked me to go out but I was so tired and its my off, hiking, cycling.. its like my last few times to bond with them), my church friends, not to forget to spend sometime with god, and lastly (I shouldn't) exo and all my bands. (Okay.. I really shouldn't.)
I also feel extremely bad for my employer for having to go through such a hard time just because of me. I'm probably the only employee that give her a huge headache. Its sunday and she have to plan my schedule so I'll benefit the best out of it...
URGHHHHH WHY DO I HAVE TO DO THIS TO EVERYONE. WHY.
IS IT MY PROBLEM?
OR IS IT EVERYONE ELSE'S PROBLEM.
OKAY ITS MY PROBLEM. I GET IT.
I'll get a frustrated Marissa, frustrated employer, and a frustrated everyone else all because of me.
I want the time with my friends, yet I want the money.
really?
The money to feed myself with my wants. And in the end I know that I cannot bare to spend it because its my hard earn stand there for 10 hours and only get 55 bucks money.
So what was I thinking?
I guess thats how the adult working life is.. The ugly side of growing up.
Just so frustrated with myself.
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