Perhaps I'm stronger than I think

MSA is officially over and there is chem lecture test next week. Good job school.
And I've not started studying chem bonding.
Promise myself I'll MUG hard tonight.

I shouldn't have slept at 3.30am last night and not go to the library today because all I've done this morning ever since I woke up at 10am to the tune of Man In Love was to watch running man, play candy crush, jamming to man in love, watch history's debut stage (which is damn good), SHINee's comeback stage 234times (taemin is climbing up my bias list) and BtoB's performance.

Anything related to studies done?
- teach evan transformations.
He took like forever to understand.

Oh yeah my MSA results were pretty fine. I mentioned for like B & Cs.. Well, I never expected a wide array of results.
GP- D
GEOG- A
PHYSICS- E (Omg lucky I don't have to do re-msa. well, the bottom of the top 45%)
CHEMISTRY- A
MATH- B
CHINESE- E

Where is the C. LOL. My math was short 0.5 marks to get an A. but its okay! I think that I've learnt a lot from this MSA. ;D I was thinking of the possibilities.
1) I've selective hearing. I didn't hear Mrs Gay's warning.
2) Mrs Gay didn't even say anything like I've to reason here and there blabla...
Because all I remembered that all she said was to watch videos.

I chose to believe the 2nd.. I'm pretty sure I took everything seriously. Still, I think I've learnt a lot from this MSA. I think I'll remember that JOULE is not a base unit for life. 0 marks for the first question. (Y)(Y) Thank god that my dynamics and kinematics saved me. Especially dynamics. For a fool who missed out 1 important word for her definition and get 0 marks for that.. I certainly learn my lesson to not just sit there and understand but to memorise my definition properly. I could have leveled up and get a D for physics. and for that base unit question... wasted. BUT these lessons are so freaking valuable that I'll hug my papers for life and always remember my foolishness.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA how I want to stab myself in the heart because I spelled disproportionation reaction wrongly. Its like deja vu. I still can't spell phenothlalein or something like that. And then minus marks. And I was careless. HAHA draw wrong direction for my copper +.
BUT ITS OKAY. lesson learnt is the most important thing in the world.

I hope I don't make the same mistakes again though...


FRIDAY was a blast. Played softball for PE (finally my game cos I've got skillz there!) and well CCA and had dinner at long john silver with the advocates.

And I've got a hair cut... 18cm chopped off. :( Rather depressing but its okay, my head feels lighter now.

New week ahead! Lets go! I can do it!

Time to do chem, gp and a bit of math. :)

-

Sometimes I feel like a terrible person.

I should refrain from listening to gossips and participating in some of them.
Be nicer to some people even though they're annoying.
AND STILL DON'T LEND MY WORK TO THE PERSON. (I'm sorry. I'm a selfish person. I won't lend my work to someone who tells me to stop ****ing studying.)
And maybe just shut up and not tell anyone what I observe and keep everything inside.- simply because being quite observant and blurting everything out may affect the people around me.

I'm a non-people oriented person. (which its really rare) I remember doing the test and it turns out that I'm the only content&action oriented person or something. Which is rather true.

But I feel so terrible because I don't lend my work to the person, I ignore people who talk non-stop or comment non-stop during lectures and tutorials - I even gossip about them because they get really annoying.

I should learn to tolerate I guess.

I need to stop blurting all my observations openly because you've no idea what I've done. I feel terrible. I really feel like a terrible person because I think I've affected people's relationship with another unknowingly.
Maybe I should go back to keeping everything in me and hopefully they stay as a secret with me till I leave JC and hopefully for life.

Leaving SN and meeting SO many different people and adjusting to them is really a hard thing to do.
如温室里的小花似的。
I need to learn.
 I'll be a good person from now on- I'll try my best to accommodate everyone's differences.

why so serious?

I feel that I'm wasting my time...
Though I faired pretty well (not really) for my MSA, I don't see a point in doing something I don't like to do. Its as if I'm forcing myself to do something and trying to make my best out of it because eventually, with these grades, I'll be able to do what I like in the future. But the fact that I really hate my life make me feel like giving up on my ambition and just be a gardener for good. I don't even think I can be a gardener because the subjects that I'm taking is not even gardening-related. -.-
In fact I'm very distracted by many things around me... negatively. I can't adjust to the mix school environment, I can't adjust to having different types of classmates and I can't adjust to the people here in SA. Both Saints Advocate and 13S06. I also can't adjust to the fact that I've to study everyday. I really can't.
I can't just go with the mindset: its just tutorials. and don't do them or I can't do tutorials the day before. There are times when I just wake up in the middle of the night sweating because I didn't finish this certain tutorial or assignment. There are times that I even dream of physics or chemistry and I wake up in the middle of the night going "I know how to do the question already!" This is seriously getting in my nerves because I get tired the next day but I just can't stop this.

I'm gonna be optimistic. I'd rather do something I want to do for the rest of my life and suffer for these 2 years than to enjoy these 2 years and do something I don't want to do for the rest of my life.
Worries aside... I keep forgetting to eat. Sigh... I just remembered that I've forgotten to eat lunch today.
Well... There are many things I want to learn/do.
1) I want to learn tagalog
2) I want to learn bahasa indo
3) I want to learn Korean (fully)
4) I want to learn Vietnamese (fully)
I can't even master Chinese and English properly. ._.
5) learn mamamia fingerstyle on the guitar

6) complete learning the dance for man in love chorus. (I'm half way through ^^ wanted to go biking but the weather IS terrible. So I decided to do something fun!)
7) biking
8) read those sophie kinesella books that I've yet to read. (1 more)
9) watch variety shows

With 13S06 after sports day!

I hope that B1A4 comeback on the 6th of May with a cheerful album because I'm in need of happy songs to generate some happy hormones in me. 6th of May is also Baekhyun's birthday ^^ and yesung is enlisting too. :'(
I'm stoked for Friday.. Not because of the saints advocate badge ceremony but its SHINee's comeback with their 3rd album chapter 2 "misconceptions of me". Though its without jonghyun and all, I'm still looking forward to their new album simply because they look cool. (Y)(Y).

By the way, I was listening to some old songs yesterday such as I'll be back (2pm), Again & Again (2pm), lollipop (big bang and 2NE1), can't nobody (2NE1), 黑糖秀(by lollipop and hey girl), abracadabra (BEG), Its you (suju) etc. I looked at the year the video was uploaded and I can't believe that time passed really quickly! I was still a sec 1 back then and now I'm a year one college student! 4-5 years just flew past. The type of song produced have changed a lot too! 
By the way Psy's gentleman is too much dubstep. I don't get why people like gentleman... When I first saw the video and I saw the dance moves, I thought the moves were recycled. Then I recognised Ga In in the music video and I realised that it was from abracadabra. I don't care whether he bought or whatsoever but I'm sure he can do better. The lyrics are terribly written and its a mess. I didn't move to kpop for this.
I think that this entry is in a mess too.
Shall update on my MSA results this sunday. (left with chem!)

wrong.

I feel that there is a need to blog or I'm going to explode soon even though there is still 1 MSA paper left.
Sometimes I wonder- what am I doing with my life? Is JC really the right choice for me?

I thought that studying or at least doing my work consistently will at least help me somewhere for MSA but today's paper just felt like SHIT. Physics just killed me. I lost all confidence in this subject and I feel so helpless because at times, I don't exactly know what is going on.
I stepped out of 1/2 the lectures wondering what was going on and that I have absolutely no idea what was going on in the lecture theatre.
Still, with all the common sense that I have, I pushed for my tutorials- randomly proving formulas.
I thought I could cope since I've the ability to discover something on my own without reading the lecture notes... well, at least half but NO. Maybe it was just insufficient practice. Maybe I don't understand the topic at all (but it doesn't make sense because I was able to do all my tutorials on my own.). Maybe the test paper was really hard. Same goes for math and every other subject.
Sometimes I question myself if I'm coping well and honestly, I don't know the answer.
I can't be like some of my classmates who sit in front of books all day and study non-stop. I'll get so worked up and depressed when I do that because I feel that there is no meaning in life.

Nonetheless, I still don't get why am I going through this? Am I not smart enough? I mean, I got through Olevels... I'm not that dumb. But compared to everyone else around me, I feel like I'm the dumbest, slackest and laziest person on earth. I feel like I'm really DUMB.

My tutorials are not piling but honestly, despite doing them diligently, I'm still going to be the bottom of the class. I can start digging a hole and hide my face in that hole. Besides being an audio and kinesthetic learner makes everything harder for me. I don't get why do people keep talking during lectures or tutorials. And then I don't want to say anything because I'm afraid that there might be a fight or a quarrel between the 2 groups before we even get our PW groupings. But honestly, since JC is not for kinesthetic learners, I'm just depending on my ears to pick things up.

Maybe I'm just overreacting. Maybe I'm still adapting. Its only the start. PW PI is really a burden. Chinese is a burden. Screw every subject is a burden. By the way, I actually got E for Chinese. I thought I'd get U. :\ I couldn't''t read half the passage.




Rants aside.
Last Friday was SAJC's very own easter 'AWAKENING' live concert. And It was an amazing experience. The atmosphere was amazing. There was the electric guitarist, acoustic guitarist, drummers, keyboardist and bass guitarist. From queuing to jumping up and down together or clapping hands during the concert. It was a very different concert from SMtown or SS4 that I attended. Main difference is screaming.

I didn't know that it was a man's picture.

 

By the way EXO looks really really good ^^. They're still not announcing their comeback. I've no idea why. And infinite is getting a lot of attention these days. HAHA.

Luhan's hair color is beautiful.

adorable L.

Pre MSA thoughts

Tomorrow is officially the start of the almighty MSA period in which I've got to admit that I'm very stressed now. -That's why I'm here instead of studying for GP and CHINESE.
Some of my friends have told me 'Why stress? It's only 5%'
In my opinion, MSA is very important because it indicates my current performamce in JC and my understanding of the topic. AND I'LL NEED IT TO HELP ME IF I CAN'T MAKE IT FOR PROMOS.
This is an area of confidence in which I certainly DO NOT POSSESS or I'm lacking in.
People expect highly of me because I can help them with some concepts but little do they know that everything boils down to the ability to applying the concepts within a given time frame under extreme pressure-people on your right and left furiously scribbling and there you're struggling here and there... or simply, the answer you've written is too short and when ypur hear the flipping of the pages.
I'm not aiming to take any H3 content in j2 or to be on the honour roll for any subjects but all I'm asking for is to get a grade of my expectation-straight B and Cs. I don't want to be a mugger and even though JC is about surrendering your life to the books, I don't want to waste two years without any memories and enter that zone... I want to spend time with my classmates, cca mates and strike a balance with studying-something which I yearn to have.
Though its MSA, life still goes on. I don't want a huge snowball chasing after me and eventually crushing on me... so I still have lots of tutorials to do. And chemical bonding is mindblowing-sickeningly weird.
Alright, that's about it.
Goodbye.