'16 going on '17

The first day of 2017 is almost over. I'm a little late this time...

2016 was a year full of ups and downs. Looking back at my New Year Resolutions, I felt that I have done nothing at all. In fact, 2016 was a rather dull year for me. It was uneventful and I must say I am pretty disappointed.

2016 has taught me that I am not interested in pursuing a job in the Chemistry industry. It has made me fully understand the extent a decision made in 2015 could have, that is, rejecting my teaching scholarship to pursue a degree in education (chemistry) in NTU-NIE. In Year 1 Semester 2, I became rather unmotivated and did not study as much as my friends. My CAP slid from a shinning first class honours to an extremely stable second upper class honours over the course of 2 semesters. I'm not saying that I'm not satisfied but it really pales in comparison to the people around me which made me even more dejected and confirmed that research isn't for me after all. Regardless, speaking to my students and introspecting during summer break picked me up. Year 2 Semester 1 was much better and I'm grateful to my 5 tutees (3 'A' level students, 1 'N' level student and 1 Sec 1 NT student) for motivating me in my studies while I motivate them in theirs too. They've pointed me in a direction that I'm determined to work towards to starting this year (without neglecting my grades).

"You lose friends when you grow older"

I finally understood the true weight of the above statement. 2016 was a year my interpersonal relationship almost came to a halt. I was unable to meet up with my old friends, friends I grew up with back in St Nicks. As I scrolled through my old pictures, I would always remember the times we used to meet up randomly just to talk/eat/sing/watch a movie etc. My instagram photos grew less descriptive, became more me-centric which defeated my original purpose of having an instagram.
Looking back at my chats, I was always the one initiating and I guess I stopped because I simply grew tired. Everyone was too busy, and I was really busy too. I'm just really grateful for the ones who stood by me throughout the year and had put in the effort to pull me back (Shout out to my SA friends/Crazy Bijez). But I'm a little pessimistic as they're starting uni soon in 2017 and we're all going to lead our busy lives once again. Still, I hope that 2017 will be a better year.
My desire to keep up with my old friends has stopped  me from socialising. I barely spoke much in year 2 semester 1 and stopped attending social events even though I stay on campus. I must say that my mental health almost died as I was really depressed that I couldn't meet up with my friends. Therefore, I hope to step out of my comfort zone and make a few more friends (as I try to keep my old friends).

To sum up, I felt rather unaccomplished. I didn't complete anything on 2016 Resolutions List. I slept at 3am and even 4am at times. This year, I've 2 main resolutions:

(1) Work towards my goal

(2) Keep up with my old friends and make new friends 

My third resolution would be to be healthier and stop being so unhealthy. Wanting to exercise every week is almost impossible due to day and night commitments.
I've 1 item bucket list which is to watch les miserables in the UK and I hope that I'll have a chance to join Shao after his exchange to tour Europe! :))

That's all I have. May 2017 be a much more fulfilling year ahead!

Year 2 Semester 1

This came a little too late. I mean- Year 2 Semester 1 has ended exactly a month ago.

Pardon my belated post as Year 2 Semester 1 was an emotional wreckage and has taken a toll on my emotional health. I've spent the past month recovering with the help of my friends. :-) 

First and foremost, I've lost my motivation to study. I wasn't interested in studying as I regret my decision to enter NUS to pursue a degree in Chemistry. Ironically, I had taken an interest in academia and am really interested in pursuing a teaching career in the future. I wasn't able to see "why" I was doing what I was doing as I had little interest in a research career. 

I honestly didn't think I would have gotten these grades without the help of my fellow Chem major friends and my tutees. My tutees (3 A levels and 1 N level)  have spurred me to put a spin to what I've learnt in school to apply in lessons with many "did you know". 

Though they're mediocre and pale in comparison when compared with others, I must say I am satisfied. My grades took a slide from a first class to a very stable second uppers, requiring a number of Bs to fall below 4.00. 

Current CAP: 4.17

Approx no. of As to pull up to 4.5: 7

Approx no. of Bs to pull down to 3.99: 7

1) CM2142 Analytical Chemistry 1 

I've truly enjoyed this module. In fact, this is the only module I've done well for this semester. Prof Jason Yeo has taught this module such that has enabled me to see "why Chemistry" and the objective uses of Chemistry. Using what I've learnt from this module, I was able to clearly explain to my tutees different uses of Chemistry and to meet the objective of the 'A' level chemistry syllabus stating that 

"Experimental work is an important component and should underpin the teaching and learning of Chemistry" - MOE & UCLES, 2014

I must admit that I skipped almost every lecture as it was at 8am and I 1/8 into the semester I was sleeping at 4am almost everyday.

2) CM2101 Physical Chemistry 2
I expected better for this module but I've a decent grade (B+) considering that I literally broke down before the paper. I was under a lot of stress as my carelessness during my CA which has caused me be on top of the bell curve. My desire to get an A- has resulted in a breakdown. I was unable to distinguish "P" and "R" branch and was not able to recall any formula or definition I have memorised. For CT and Hongsy has pulled me through during that morning and afternoon that I did not blank out during my finals and I am certain I performed my very best during finals.
What this module taught me was to be careful, sleep earlier and do not study at the last minute. Finals was at 5pm and I was completely jittery throughout the day.
On a lighter note- this module has taught me how to "see" molecules. Using that I've learnt, I've spun it into simpler terms for my tutees who question "how I know sia."

3) CM2192 Experiments in Chemistry 3 (Analytical and Physical) 
This is probably the most stressful module ever that I've taken in NUS. There were 10 lab reports (average 3%), 1 written test (2 components- Analytical and physical), 2 viva voce and 2 practical examinations. It was the module that required most of my attention other wise known as "Extremely Attention Seeking". I dreaded 6 hours every week (followed by 2 hours of tutorial) and usually ended my day by vegetating on my bed after lab.
I had immense difficulty with this module as I did not know what I was doing at times. I recall distinctly when my first lab session was on HPLC and I didn't understand what was going on as I did not learnt HPLC before. Moreover, I wrote a long report on gas chromatography without learning it under CM2142. I felt as if I was living in constant nightmare as I started with analytical basket first (earlier in the semester) as I was confused and was under immense pressure to perform. For the analytical component, I procrastinated my lab reports as I was unable to understand what was going on and left them to the last 5 days before the submission. That was 5 reports in 5 days. It was impossible and I cried on some nights as I was horrified as I had no one to ask (my friends did physical first).
Looking back, I've truly learnt a lot from this module as I managed to see how theory is being applied to practice. It was rather stupid of me to be under immense stress because I actually did pretty well. I scored a B+ for this module and my lab reports were rather well written (Average: b/w B+ & A-) & my written tests too. Regardless, I felt that I've learnt a lot under this module. In fact, (this sounds cliche) google has helped me a lot with "how to xxxx excel cell" etc and helped me understand certain concepts. I'm just glad I survived. :-)
Likewise, I've used what I've learnt in lab to explain SPA to my students :-)
Oh and I'm very confident of excel. #selftaught

4) UHB2207 Language, Cognition and Culture
My first arts inquiry just went by. I'm currently left with 3 arts inquiry modules. I'm extremely grateful for Prof Peter Vail as prior to this course, I've never imagined myself studying linguistics and the issues prevailing language. I've enjoyed my papers as the three papers were truly interesting and exciting :-) I've analysed my use of Singlish in lessons and how it affects the way I way I think when I deliver lessons, reasons for switching to Singlish and my gestures which follows my codeswitch to Singlish.
For an arts inquiry, I'm extremely happy with my B+ because I'm not good at writing. Not to mention, I actually enjoyed writing my papers.
A key take away from LCC is that Singlish has syntax and therefore it can be counted as a language and there is such thing as bad Singlish. While some may say,

"Through language I can learn culture"

the Nicole now, disagrees. This module has raised my awareness regarding the choice of words central to this issue. It has taught me to raise questions critically and carefully which I would say it's one of my greatest take away for this module apart from being aware of how Singlish could be useful in teaching (though, largely frowned upon by the government).

5) UNL2206 Nature's Threads
A science inquiry which aims to weave the development of ideas from Faraday to Maxwell and finally, Einstein. It was a rather disappointing science module as it wasn't like a science module at all! Rather, it felt like a philosophy module with 60-70% of the module based on the history of ideas. There was very little problem solving even lesser emphasis on writing the report from our experiments on static electricity and the calculating of the speed of light.
However, I've truly enjoyed the hands on experiment and attempting to explain the observed phenomena first hand based on the theory learnt. I would not want to have a refresher on static electricity and magnetism another way. It was very different from the way I've learnt for 'O' levels (via pen and paper) and provided many insights. Yet, upon reaching special relativity, there was very little emphasis on problem solving (different from the way I learnt in PC1144) and it felt very glossy and unlike science.
Nonetheless, I've enjoyed learning how physicists in the past conceive the ideas we deem as arbitrary/lame/useless/simple today and I've learnt how to appreciate this development of ideas. :-)


I survived year 2 semester 1. My most grueling semester ever and will not be the only one. Upon changing my perspective midway through the semester, the modules in this semester has rather shaped my direction towards in academia and I'll do my very best to either maintain my CAP or improve my CAP.

Lessons learnt: 
1) Time management 
I was sleeping at 4am almost everyday and woke up at 10am/10.30am. It was terrible as I even missed breakfast on some days.
I chose to stay till 4am because I seldom study in the morning before class starts.
10 hours of tuition a week was enjoyable, albeit too much
2) Social interaction + Goal 
When I've found a goal, studying was so much easier.
I chose to study with my friends during the finals period as it was much easier for my mental health. I'm sure I'll miss this in year 3 when everyone else goes on exchange- when you're bored and everyone else is bored and start chatting. It simply brightens up my mood. :-) Not to mention the emotional support.

For the next semester, I've signed up for less academic stuff which I hope will pull me through the semester.
And I need to exercise more frequently too.

On a final note, I'll like to thank Shao, Crazy Bijez, USCanSER and #15-100 for a wonderful semester. May the next semester be a more fulfilling one for everyone.

Ocamp'16

USC Ocamp'16 is the third camp I ran, this time as vice project-director (Camp commander and camp OIC previously). There were a few questions my close friends (those who ran the other 2 camps alongside with me) asked as I complained more than I ate over the last 2 months which made me reflect during the process and after execution from time to time. 

Firstly, I would like to say that I didn't get this role through an interview. It was through cronyism. My PD, Jileen, employed me as VPD  because I am her good friend with experience. I had initial intentions to join Logistics as I knew logistics was always the hardest and everyone needed LOGs. Yet, it was hard to say no when the opportunity to take on a better role showed up right before my face. Therefore, I chose to join as Ocamp'16 Vpd instead.

Comparing this camp to my previous 2 camps, I felt that this role was significantly harder this time round due to funding restrictions, protocols to adhere to and also because I was never a vice or assistant before. I found it difficult to check with my PD before making a decision as I always made decisions on my own. There was no teacher to advise us and to help us with the official documents. Essentially, I learnt that I am a micro-manager. It takes a micro-manager to know another. Thus, I learnt to take a step back, to strike a balance between micro-managing and macro-managing. 

The importance of PR. The process of planning FOP and the planning of Ocamp has both burnt bridges completely and partially. There was a need to satisfy the people on the ground. And there will be an earthquake when the ground isn't satisfied. Jileen describes this phenomena as, "I heard rumblings from the ground a day ago. I did not expect an earthquake." There were many incidents that parallel modern day politics. There was also a need to satisfy the direct higher-ups. The structure of FOP comm and the chain of command was basically a simple school camp commitee, blown up to a larger scale. Moving up the FOP comm, there's NUSSU. This may seem irrelevant but looking back, my camp comm 2 years back seems really puny as compared to FOP comm this time round. 

Cronyism. Working with friends was an issue as I had to be careful in order not to burn any bridges in any direction. Cronyism could be an advantage if you work well with your friends and a major disadvantage if you can't work well with your friends. It was genuinely a problem for me (I'm really sorry) as there was a difference in certain views and work ethics that made me extremely irritable. I just couldn't convey it for I know my friend well. It was the bridge that I had to hold which irritated me further. 

The temper I never knew existed. I blew up at my friend twice in a short span of 2 weeks. I didn't know such a monster could exist in me. I never once blew up in the classroom, at my students and at my friends. Now that I am aware of its existence, I am extremely wary of it. 

What ticked me off: Accountability. 

People who are not accountable irritated me. I just didn't understand why some people couldn't just reply or send a text stating that they're late and the reason for being late. Some people could ignore 5 different people asking the same question. Some people just go absent halfway through an activity without any reason, only to come back acting like nothing had happened.

For that, I knew that I will never want to work with someone who is not accountable. This is a trait I will want to pass on to my students and friends. With this, I conclude that accountability comes responsibility.  

As cliche as it sounds, communication was a key take away too. From simple actions to forwarding emails to complicated actions such as explaining action plans and the dissemination of last minute information could result in annoyance. For us, we had a bot to disseminate information to CVOGLs. On one hand, it was good as it reduces spamming in group chats. Yet, many people disseminating information through the bot at the same time was confusing. It was an abuse of communication channels and would be a big problem if not handled carefully. What happened during camp was the conflicting information sent out regarding an update of the timing. It made things very complicated and confusing. Therefore, I brought up in the AAR that only one person should disseminate information through the bot during the course of the event to prevent any miscomms. The heads should discuss before disseminating information rather than 3 people sending 3 different things. It worked for the subsequent few days and I think its a major learning point for everyone as communication channels are essentially very advanced these days and any misuse can result in poorer communication and not better communication.

Always plan for the worst. We overlooked wet weather plan which landed us in some extremely hot soup. The weather forecast stated that there would be thunderstorms during beach day. I was anxious. And it really cost us our sleep the night before. We had to come up with an entirely detailed action plan during the night games into the wee hours. I thought to myself: There was no way I could forget about the wet weather (in particularly- when travelling to sentosa). Moreover this was the 3rd camp I ran. Ms Ho, my JC CCA teacher in-charge, always told me that if I fail to plan, I plan to fail. Yes, it's a common saying and I overlooked it. Despite all that, I am grateful that we didn't have to activate wet weather plan and I was glad we just didn't have to. Above all that, wet weather plan is extremely important in Singapore and is not meant to be forgotten.

And never do things at the last minute. Always be aware of the deadlines. 

Nonetheless, many bonds were formed along the way during the camp. The constant feedback loop between the OGLs and the comm has helped us to improve our games. The number of people I've spoken to during that 4 days was a lot more than the number of people I've spoken to during the second half of the semester. It's never too late to learn new things and I'm glad to be given this chance. All hail cronyism. Kidding. Thanks Jilee. 

Summer has finally begun. The past two months brought quite a bit of tears to my eyes, awoken the monster in me and was tiring for me. I just want to say a big thank you for everyone's support though no one is going to read this and a big thank you to camp comm for being part of my summer, for the emotional support, the physical support (lel LOGs) and making my summer a meaningful one. We've come a long way since the moment this comm was formed and more significantly, since OGL camp. 

It's time for me to wind down and rest for the next 3 weeks. 

#FOPneverENDS

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What was left out: 

1) Organisation of LOGs

LOGs team played an extremely important role in terms of telling us how visible our LOGs were 

2) Safety 

Apart from wet weather that we missed out, every activity was planned with safety in mind. 

I may sound passive aggressive but I'm actually being neutral here. Everything stated is exactly as what I observe to happen.

Psst It has been 2 days since I last stepped out of the house, first time this year and it feels great!!! 

Things I've learnt in Year 1

Year 1 officially ended last Wednesday. University was indeed a wild ride for the last 2 semesters. It went by too quickly such that it seemed so surreal that summer break is finally here and I'm officially 1/4 done with university. Looking back, I've really learnt many things above academics in the first year. So here are a few things that I've learnt in year 1.

1. Studying at the last minute/Doing assignments at the last minute

"I'm going to turn over a new leaf." 

I say this after pulling half an all nighters for an assignment. Eventually, towards the end of the semester, half an all nighters became 3/4 all nighters and eventually a full all nighter just to submit an assignment. I've accepted the fact that I have the tendency to push things to the last minute especially when its something I dread such as having to write an essay. I've also accepted the fact that starting early will still lead to some last minute editing of assignments because you're too scared to submit and hence many hours will be spent on recursive drafting be it an essay or an assignment. I never thought the 2am life was real as I've never stayed past 2am for the past 19 years of my life until university happened.

2. Assignments will always pile 
"Alevels will be the hardest period in your academic life"
Yes, Alevels was the hardest exam in my life thus far. But in retrospect, Alevels did not prepare me sufficiently to constantly meet deadlines and the ability to handle so many things at once. No matter how I think, Alevels was hard because of the grades and the desire to get to university and to get to the course I wanted. Yet, in university, we could have a "PW" like report to submit every week, group projects and many assignments to be submitted and graded. It is a continual assessment. Assignments pile week after week, the pile never gets thinner unless the semester has ended.
Then again, it's an endless cycle isn't it. I've read many articles online regarding how university education has not prepared the author for work life.
I would complain to my friends every week and towards the end, I figured that I should focus all my energy on finishing my reports/essays instead of complaining.

Well, I'll probably have to live with it. No course is ever easy. I've paid $700 for each module and I definitely want to make my final route in my education worth it since I've entered university.

3. Making friends 
I've made many friends in university. Every conversation to me felt like I was climbing a very steep mountain using a dangerous route. I would see it as a way of making friends who may be useful to me in the future. I wouldn't confide in any of my uni friends (except for 2-3 of them) if I've problems. In fact, I would go straight to my JC friends or my secondary school friends to tell them of my problems. I guess towards the end of the semester, I've literally miss out on everything as I was too tired of socialising. I really didn't know I would die out this quickly. I thought I was more on the extrovert side but now I guess I could go on for hours without even opening my mouth.

I wasn't able to really find a close group of friends except the chem majors as we take the same lessons together. I am truly glad for them.

Looks like I've to put in effort next semester again for I've drifted way too far and I'm actually starting to FOMO. 

4. Independent Living  
 Living in the hostel has taught me a few things:

1. Be clean and be neat. No one is there to clean up your bin and your mess. Many people step in and out of my room and therefore, I had to ensure to keep it neat. 
2. Do your laundry. Initially, I would wait till the last minute to do my laundry and ended up having to wait till 1am for my laundry to finish before I could bathe. I learnt how to clear the lint and fold my clothes properly. 
3. Noise pollution. Live with it. 
4. Nag at yourself because no one is there to nag at you. Yes. No one is there to tell you to bathe, to sleep and to eat. 

So this is how independent living feels like. I like living in the hostel because of the freedom I have but it was really lonely at times when the only 2 private places I'm entitled to is my room and the toilet.

5. Punctuality

I've decided to take this out separately from the rest because I realised I'm late for almost every lesson. I've learnt my lesson to NEVER put back to back lessons when the shuttle bus is required because I was NEVER on time for my lesson and I am actually very ASHAMED of myself even though it was inevitable. Semester 2's timetable was slightly better as I could have 2 free days every alternate weeks but the back to back schedule totally killed me every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. And next semester will be the same thing again albeit I'll try to my best to arrange it in a way such that I will not miss my meals and have to rush from one location to another. Definitely not looking forward to travelling back and forth Utown and FoS. Not that I didn't plan my timetable carefully but my timetable will always be this packed. But I will strive to be a more punctual student if possible. 

6. Life is unfair

It will always be. 

some people just don't deserve anything. and I want to change just that. 

7. Finding myself 

I'm actually lost. Uni didn't teach/help me to find myself. Uni has made me feel that there is a need for repeated introspection of myself. I'm not directionless but there are other aspects that I'm still lost. I hope summer and year 2 will help me out. 

There are many other lessons I've learnt in Year 1 that are not as significant here and I must say that I've been very blessed to have friends who supported me through 2 semesters. Evan and gang who would come to Utown to have a meal with me. USChem who has helped me with my studies, hear me complain and all the fun times we have during meal times and really, many other friends. I've grown a lot and I do not regret my decision to come to NUS. I hope to take these lessons to year 2 as I continue my final phase in my journey in the education system before I hop on to the other side of the education system. 

 

Do not underestimate yourself

I honestly thought I was going to be dead. Not literally.

Context: 

It's week 11 tomorrow. I'm left with 3 weeks to the end of the semester. Assignments are piling. 

I missed 5 alarms and woke up at 10.30am this morning. It was 2 hours later than my intended time. I looked at my to-do list and I thought my future was going to be bleak if I continued to slack. Thus, I pushed my phone aside and rushed back to cinnamon to get myself together instead of lazing at home. 

It has been 12 hours since I last visited instagram, telegram, snapchat and whatsapp on my phone. *As I glanced at my to-do list, I realised that I've striked almost EVERYTHING (chemistry long lab report, physics lab report, organic chem lecture 21, organic chem self-assessment on lecture 21, movie for WCT, personal vision essay for CFG1010, organic chem mass tutorial) on the list. I am insanely proud that I had completed what I had set aside to achieve for the past 12 hours. To be fair, I finished my lab reports (raw and unedited) on Saturday night at 3am and I edited and cleaned them up today.

The me right now at 11pm feels completely different from my bleak morning for was extremely pessimistic and upset with my time management this morning. I underestimated myself and was EXTREMELY frustrated. Never would I have known that I could really accomplish that much in a span of 12 hours which I aimed to complete in 3 days.**

Nonetheless, I really have to stop getting distracted, stop procrastinating and stop pushing things to the last minute though my productivity increased by 10x. I could have completed more than what I have set aside. So here's to a more productive final 5 weeks of this semester!***

Happy Easter :)) 

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*I can be contacted on facebook and I used web tele once for an urgent matter. That was because I left my red pencil at home and I had to ask my friend if I've a red pencil in his room since I ONLY use a red pencil.  

**I barely scraped past this week. I actually aimed to do more than what I have done. 

***3 weeks to the end of lessons. 5 weeks due to reading week and finals. 

Many more assignments coming up! 

YOU MAY THINK THAT THIS BLOGPOST IS A DISTRACTION BUT THIS BLOGPOST SERVES AS A REMINDER FOR MYSELF. 

Penning Down my Thoughts

"Why this pen?"

"Wow, how many of such pens do you have?" 

"Is it really that good?" 

"Can you not be so picky?" 

There's this pen that I use and I only use. I have been using this pen ever since the start 2014 and I don't think I'll ever change my pen unless I run out of it. I am currently left with 8 boxes of such pens and I certainly do intend to get more of it from Vietnam. 

On the surface, this is a gel pen and therefore, it smudges. The ink runs out quickly and has a lifespan of approximately 3 General Paper essays (12 Pages I suppose). Yet, this pen is very smooth and makes me feel better at my seemingly ugly handwriting compared to my peers. Yes, my male friends would always comment on my ugly handwriting relative to other girls. (Some of them even have nicer handwriting than mine!). 

That's such a superficial description of my favourite pen. Not that good after all.

This pen has a name called the 90 rank points pen. A dear friend of mine (Doan) who uses this pen scored 90 rank points all the time. Doan would bring back boxes of such pens from Vietnam for my friends and I to use ever since we became closer at the end of J1. I remember fondly how we used to have boxes of such pens inside our common locker as we used this pen to do our tutorials, take notes, complete our revision packages and finally take our exams. J2 was a year when my grades (my friends' grades) picked up. We eventually did well for alevels (not 90 but for some of us, a jump in 30-40 rp). This includes Doan who scored 90 rank points. That's our lucky pen. I wouldn't attribute our success solely to this lucky pen but having seen many batches of this pen come and go during the process develops sense of attachment to this pen.  

Now, this pen holds a deeper meaning for me. Before Doan left Singapore and Vietnam for Canada to pursue her dream and studies, she brought in many more boxes for us to use, hoping that this would last as long as possible. Hence, one can see how I ONLY use this pen when I take any exams or when I do my work. Not only does this pen remind me of those days when we studied together and motivated each other, it additionally reminds me of Doan and the memories that we (including other friends) shared together in J1 and J2. 

University is indeed a lonely place despite being very blessed with a close group of friends from the same major and same residential college as me. Being selfish for wanting to hold on to such fond memories of those days, no other pen can replace my favourite 90 rank points lucky pen as I continue to motivate myself to work hard.

_______________________________________________________________

Pen is made in Korea but can only be found in Vietnam at a really cheap price. 

This blog post was written and edited instead of writing my final draft for a module called Sites of Tourism & it is inspired by a friend who was puzzled by how I only stick to one pen. 

Wah Cannot Tahan

It's only the FIRST paper!

Amidst writing and rewriting my own draft for Writing and Critical Thing, a compulsory writing module offered by USP, I was more inspired to write a blog post.

As one can see, I do not have a thesis statement and a motive but my post title says it all.

Problems such as not being able to fully understand the given text, come up with a thesis statement and an interesting motives have frustrated me for the past 5 days. Despite having written my thesis and 3 body paragraphs, I felt that my essay is a load of crap and a complete mess as I start to question my own spelling of a certain word that appears frequently in my essay.

This module is really time consuming and anyone who knows me knows that I would rather prove my equations for special relativity or reading up on delocalisation and conjugation or even learning my biochem properly. Yet, I felt that I've learnt the most in terms of skills for this module thus far which was better than the other compulsory module I took last semester on quantitative reasoning.

I guess it is time for me to look at this module in a positive light. It's time for me to brush up on my writing for once.

And I spent 20 minutes reflecting on an ongoing module.

Back to restructuring my essay.

2016!

Hello 2016! 

The saying goes: new year, new me. It's time to look forward and to a better year ahead and I'm pretty excited because of what is in store for me. :-) 

2016's Daily things-I-aim-to-do

1. Sleep earlier (I try not to sleep at 3am, more discipline! No more working through the night!) 
2. Since I do not wish to work through the night, then I'll need to be more disciplined. :)
3. Step out of my comfort zone, stop being a phantom.
4. Keep in contact with my friends
5. Be a better daughter
6. Better control of my finances. I really have to. 
7. Maximum effort for everything! 

2016's Healthy living plan

1. Run 3 times a week for 30-45minutes (Or just do sports)
2. No carbonated drinks, plain water
3. No fast food
4. Less fried food, less carbohydrates
5. 1 marathon, just 1 marathon will do. 

2016's places to go

1. Australia 
2. Cambodia 
3. Malaysia 

2016's bucket list

-NIL- 

I've decided not to have any bucket list this year because it clearly doesn't work. Alright that's it. 

May this blogpost be a constant reminder for myself to always try my best and be happy. 

2015

Bye 2015! 

This is my 2015 bucket list and it's time to see what I've accomplished this year. 
Original
2015's Daily things-I-aim-to-do

1. Sleep by 12.30am everyday (School time 10pm? But I slept later than 1am during peak periods and now during the holidays I sleep at 2am)
2. 8 hours of sleep everyday (Kinda, I'm probably lucky to be able to sleep 8hours a day even though I sleep really late)
3. Use less phone (LOL I changed to iPhone 6 because I gave up on S5)
4. Keep my room, table and wardrobe neat (I moved house so my room is a lot smaller right now. I've no choice but to keep everything neat. Besides, I had to keep my wardrobe neat because I've so many clothes.)
5. Fangirl less (Latest band??)
6. Do something meaningful (Didn't really no any big meaningful projects unlike my previous years.)
7. Step out of my comfort zone (Stepped out and made many friends.)
8. Keep in contact with my friends (Still keeping in contact with my secondary school friends and my JC friends)
9. Be a better daughter (I tried)
10. Better control of my finances (I think so, I've been counting my money well. Besides, I've worked hard this year even though I've been buying a lot of clothes.)

2015's Healthy living plan

1. Run 3 times a week for 45minutes (Or just do sports) (I kind of blanked out in the middle of the year and didn't exercise much when I was working and studying. I took part in rag though and I guess that could be counted as exercising for the entire of July)
2. No carbonated drinks, plain water (Sometimes, a little bit of carbonated drinks should be fine. I generally don't drink carbonated drinks.)
3. No fast food (HAHA less than like 10 times this year) 
4. Less fried food (Dinning hall keeps serving me fried food??!?!?!) 

2015's bucket list 

1. Pick up a new skill (What new skill ._.) 
2. Pick up a new language (Erm I learnt Korean with Vivian but I didn't follow up so I'm back to ground 0. I got 94/100 for the test though.)
3. Go to Vietnam (I went on a trip to Vietnam with my friends to meet Doan. I miss vietnam ): Nic to Vietnam) 
4. Go to Korea (I didn't go to Korea. I went on a day trip to Malaysia with Evan.)

2015 was a rather daunting year, albeit it was more eventful than 2014. There were many life skills that I've to learn and figure out on my own. This includes simple tasks such as taking care of my own passport, do my own transaction, do my own laundry and apply to scholarships and universities. I hope that I've not wasted my time in 2015 during my 8 month long holiday. (Holidays)  I also hope that I've not completely wasted my entire of year 1 semester 1 as I was obviously still in holiday mode. Nonetheless I doubt I'll make it through the semester without my wonderful family and friends and I'm extremely grateful for them. This concludes my final blogpost of the year. See you next year ! :-) 

The Guilt

You feel guilty because you were supposed to head to the gym today. You told yourself that you will head to the gym on alternate days. You said this is your holiday goal. This is your chance to keep fit because you have been eating a lot throughout the semester.

You succeeded on Sunday and Tuesday. You were supposed to run on Thursday morning but you told yourself that you need to do your laundry and pack up as you are moving back home that day. You unpacked everything and you decided that you will go down to the gym for your workout. You succeeded. Saturday came and you told yourself you would go to the gym in the morning. You woke up early to gym, and yet your book takes priority over your gym session. 

It is Saturday night, you are typing this blogpost and you are feeling extremely guilty. You just had a good dinner with your family after sunset service. It is currently 8.45pm and you are waiting for your food to digest. 

Quick! You still have time to head to the gym! It closes at 12am. The gym is just 5 minutes away. By the time your stomach finished digesting the food, it will be 10.30pm. The inertia is going to be real at 10.30pm as you sleep early at around 10.30pm or 11pm everyday. 

Beside you is a stack of new clothes. Your mom is outside your room nagging at you to bathe. After you click 'publish' you would go for your bath. Your brother just knocked at your door to remind you to bathe and wash your hair for you only wash your hair once every 2 days. That means you wash your hair on days when you gym. 

Good job Nicole. You're feeling extremely guilty now because you will wash your hair tonight and you are not going to the gym. How can you ever overcome this immense guilt? This inherent guilt will be with you until you head to the gym.

Now, take this guilt with you to the toilet as you bathe and as you sleep. 

And you will go to the gym in your dreams. 

The cycle will repeat until you go to the gym.

Who asked you to eat so much during the semester? You started this yourself, you have to stop this guilt yourself.  

Taking pictures

I'm not a professional photographer and I do not know how to take pictures in the perfect ratio. But I enjoy taking pictures of everything I do.

At that moment when one snaps a picture, everything at that moment comes to a standstill no matter how perfect or ugly that moment is. As I scroll through my photo album, I found too many selfies of myself and too many pictures of other people doing other things. Nothing explicit. I can't help but to smile when I look at these pictures as I recall what was happening that day and the emotions that ran through my head on that day. (I know I am supposed to be studying...) 

The following are a few pictures I took over the past 2 years-

This was taken almost exactly a year ago. I remember how we walked past and saw 'STAIN' on the board outside the student lounge. Mok and XinSiang laughed at how I was the stain of SA. Funny how I am the good kid. Being good kids, we decided to change it back to SAINT instead of studying. Well, I then got scolded because I didn't help to change it back to saint but instead, stood there to take a selfie.

This was also taken sometime ago. I never thought I would visit them in Vietnam. There was a promotional discount that the tickets to the band concert would be cheaper if you go with a scholar. I went with 2 scholars instead. But the discount was 1 for 1. Even when they toured me in Vietnam, I continued to receive discounts because they thought I was local.

We went back to St Nicks and Lizzie was studying in the new lounge. I remember I came from my my teaching internship training at NUS and I swear it was the longest ride I ever took back then because St Nicks was somewhere in AMK. It was just a random snapshot that made us laugh as she looked as if she was going on a war with the little kids. How old are you Lizzie? That night, I saw many of my graduating juniors who I welcomed in into St Nicks when I was Secondary 4. It was nice to see them grow and mature while I was away. (They used to stalk me HAHA)

This isn't the best picture of one of my many snapshots of Evan. He's extremely camera shy when it comes to individual photos. I took this in Vietnam on Day 1. That day, I was so excited as it was my first time travelling out of Singapore without my parents but with my close friends. What will I do without Evan who carried everything for me because I kept buying things? It was one of the rarest time he was in front of me because throughout the entire trip, he made sure that Doan and I were in front of him.

Kihan was skateboarding/penny boarding. It was a Monday that we went out to engineering for lunch. SOE had a lot of food and I was basically spoiled for choices as everything was cheaper than Utown. That Monday was the Monday that I learnt that I'll need more than 1 hour to learn how to penny board. I thought I could pick it up almost immediately like skating. On a side note, Kihan's really good at penny boarding and he'd always turn around so that I can catch up with him. It's unfortunate we can't continue our weekly Monday lunch because we got busy.

It's rare that XinSiang looks good in this photo because he's always the not-so-glamorous one due to his awkward photo face. This was taken after a sweaty day of walking into the jungle in an attempt to explore Singapore. The guys were acting as if they were in some urban operation where ever we go to and I would be in the center. Apparently, I was told that I have a role and I never knew what that role is until now. It was a Sunday and we all know, vanity is sweaty. All for 100 over likes on Instagram.

It was my birthday and I was really glad to have Beatrice and Vivian with me. These 2 are my closest friends who have been with me since secondary 1. I was once Beatrice's Bishan buddy and now I'm Vivian's Sengkang buddy as I recently moved to Sengkang. It was on 19/9/15 that they tailgated into my condo and followed my relatives around while saying that they can't be my relatives at the back. How funny. Though I stay near Vivian now, we seldom meet because I'm barely at home.

Here is a picture of me putting facial mask while writing my QR essay. That was the previous Sunday when I stayed in and forced myself to finish up draft 1. I worked since 6am to finish it up only to finish 3/4 by lunch. I was rather worked up as my excel skills did not come smoothly. Blessed am I to have 2 screens to work with. I met XS and Mok for lunch that day and I went home after 15 days of camping in my room. I felt good even though I barely did anything.

This is an extremely raw photo taken the next day after my previous photo. Little did I know my mom and my brother were both sick so I had to disturb them to make my presence known since I was home. I came back the next day and I actually fell sick after that. The highest temperature reached was 38.6 degree celcius and I had to get fever cooling patches for babies to keep my sanity. I am just glad it's not tonsillitis. I was in fact rather productive that night even though I was sleepy and I finished up my essay for QR.

This is a picture of a 大叔 I befriended in USP. I never thought I would actually be friends with this giant because I never spoke to him during orientation despite being in the same orientation group/house. Nonetheless, this 大叔 (notice how he looks like Steven Lim) is a very nice 大叔 who ate breakfast with me throughout the entire semester and my body clock wouldn't be at 7am now without this 大叔. By the way, you wouldn't want to study with him when he is doing WCT because of his round bottom flask. (psst, he looks like he's gonna fight)

This is a picture of Weixin and I at IKEA. This picture was taken was exactly a week before my birthday and I didn't know he would employ such tactics to get me out of my room, entertain me while the rest of my village invaded my room (with Kihan's help) to surprise me because they can't make it on my birthday. I really miss 8.45am, door 17, beehoon + egg and taugua days. Well, I satisfied my cravings for meatballs. :P

Here is a picture of Shao and I during USS. If I remember correctly, we were using my front camera to stalk the USS group behind us because we were bored. And snap!- A picture of us during USS. It's amazing how every Wednesday would be our study USS together days. It's even amusing that we were from the same training group for our teaching internship programme at the start of the year. HAHA. Mrs Noreen's Kids.

A picture taken with the Queen while we were waiting for tutorials to start. We were at S5 and didn't have inorganic chem tutorial that week. At that time, we were discussing about camp comm and she was basically spamming everyone on my contact list. Though this queen is a really demanding queen, this semester wouldn't be as bearable without her.

Taken in science library to send my mommy on a Friday after my tutorials. My mom pointed out that I looked tired instead of the 'alive' I captioned. Well, it was the 3rd/4th week of school and my body clock was a wreck and I was struggling to even wake up to attend 8am classes because I slept at 12am almost everyday. What was I doing?

Farewells are always the hardest. This was the last group picture taken before my bouncy spring flew back to Vietnam and then off to Montreal to pursue a career in Nursing. I cried buckets after that as I really do not know when I will ever get to see her again. To me, this is the most beautiful picture I 've taken this year (followed by all the pictures we took together in Vietnam for 10 good days). Thank God for college day so that I can send her off properly as I cried so badly on the last day of my Vietnam trip. I just felt that I could be a better host in Singapore as she stayed at my house during her last few days in Singapore. Here, in this picture are people who came from different CCAs (some of us are from the same CCA), different classes and different schools (Isaac, the in bright blue pants) to gather around for one last picture together despite our busy schedules. Yet, it's really amazing how we became friends with each other (especially Isaac who isn't from SA but got to know doan and I because of Evan). Aww man, I'm starting to feel sad again.



There are many more pictures that I've taken but I'll never start studying for my finals if I continue. It's always nice looking at old pictures once in a while and it's always nice to continue taking snapshots of my everyday life. I guess my selfies do mean a lot to me after all.

To end off, to me, a picture doesn't mean a thousand words but it is a moment that never changes even though the people in the pictures do. 

Sometimes, I Just have to grow up

I am a conscious living being, capable of making rational decisions. I am 19 and I am desperately trying to break away from the little girl image that I've been holding to for 19 years. And I have failed. Sometimes, it is really nice to have all attention on you and sometimes, it is simply just hard to change the way I behave unconsciously. Yet, my thoughts do not reflect one of a 16 year old girl and I strongly believe that my own opinion matters. Yet again, I do not voice them out. What will I do if I voice them out? Will I get into trouble?

While I want to grow up so that I can be free of other people imposing their opinions on me, there is still a part of me who doesn't want to break away from this good little girl image. I am sure that there is a way to compromise such opinions and I just have to find the guts to voice it out.

Dear friends, if you happen to be reading this, please don't think that I'm going to die or do anything dangerous or whatsoever. It's just a random thought that came across my mind as I continue to type my essay on reality and appearance. 

Semester 1

It is Friday on Week 13 (Friday the 13th) and it spells the last day of the semester. I'm actually 1/8 done with my university education! Honestly, though time passed really quickly, I felt that the semester has yet to end as there is still finals to take which I have yet to study for.

I am rather disappointed with myself as this isn't the university education I envisioned to have. At the moment, I really wish that I can turn back the clock and restart semester 1 proper as I really wasn't in into studying and actually completely lost motivation as I continued pursuing chemistry as my major. I honestly dislike how my inorganic chemistry module was taught as it was all about memory work. Then again, taking a step back, I really wondered if chemistry is the right choice for me as I am really uncertain of what I want to do in the future. I've yet to experience the lab life and therefore I do not have sufficient experience to mention about research life and currently, I feel that I'm entering uncharted waters. As for my math module, I wasn't learning. I was just being comfortable with what I know and barely put in any effort for math. I wasn't sure of what I was doing as I thought I chose chemistry and not math. Yet, math is seen to be an integral part of physical chemistry. I guess, I don't have a choice. 

As for my USP modules, I grew to understand how misleading the term 'scholar' is and the amount of effort I have to put in for my modules that I felt that chemistry is my second major. I've an essay that is still 5% done and I do not really know what I'm writing. This may sound surprising but I have come to like USS as a module even though it takes time and effort for a 2MC CS/CU module. It is amazing how pieces of knowledge come together and the different issues raised pertaining to each theory. This goes out to Quantum reality and Appearance too. I felt that I genuinely learnt something even though I could have put in more effort in my bell's inequalities and basically the mathematics involved in this module even though it was not essential. I'm glad my interest didn't die even though this module was so tough that I basically step out of class with a headache or spend 6hours thinking about a tutorial. 

As I'm typing this blog post, I really wish that I could turn back the clock to the start of the semester. I wished I put in more effort to get to know my friends better, to take part in rc life and to put in more effort in my modules as I felt that I barely learnt anything unless a submission comes and I scurry to look for my notes and start reading up. Socially, I'm unsure if I grew to be a quieter person as I felt as if I grew both ways. I do not know what I'm doing as on one hand, I made many friends and on the other, I do not have many close friends. Basically I'm a phantom. At times I would rather eat alone than eat with my friends as I simply don't feel like talking. Sometimes, I detest the fact that I just can't stay still and I detest the fact that I have to sleep and wake up early. I dislike how I do not have common topics with people. The only thing I can do is to start putting in effort. 

Wew this semester is full of regrets. And I will try not to make the same mistake next semester.

Speaking of which, there have been a lot of changes in my life. Living alone in the hostel isn't an easy feat for me when mommy isn't there to do my laundry or clean my room for me. I never noticed how I comply with the second law of thermodynamics so easily and I tend towards more disorder such that things get so messy and I basically can't live in such a condition that I have to clean up my room almost 2-3 days. There isn't mommy to clean for me. At the same time, I moved away from Bishan. I really miss Bishan as it was such a prime location and door 17 (Weixin will know this). I miss how there was a park for me to run or cycle in when I don't feel like doing anything. I miss Beatrice and how we could meet whenever we want because we stayed so near each other. (Beat this goes out to you and sorry vivvy though I stay really near you right now) Yifen is in UK so basically evening park sessions are over. Taking a step back, many things have changed over this 15 weeks and habits have changed too. My current room is half the size of my Bishan room and I have yet to adjust to how puny this room is. There are so many facilities to be used and I have yet to use any of them except the gym. I had to adjust to remember that I need an access card to enter the compound or I'll be stuck outside unless I tailgate other residents in into area. (Happens sometimes) Wew such a huge change in lifestyle... HAHA (trying to make this post less solemn) 

Well, all in all, 15 weeks (Including week 0 and recess week) flew by just like that and I guess it is just part of me growing up and adapting to my surroundings. Here's to a more productive reading week and even better 7 semesters ahead. (: 

Summer is over!

It's the end of my 'summer' holidays. It was so surreal that 8 months passed by so quickly. Many things happened as I grow to become a mature person during this 8 months of independence.

I stopped receiving allowance, I started working, I starting self-funding my own meals and transport. Upon receiving my Alevel results, I spent many nights applying for a scholarship and a scholars programme. Now, I'm proud to say, I'm a student studying in NUS studying under the faculty of science (chemistry). I also rejected a scholarship even though the terms were attractive. I don't know if this would leave a negative impression if I were to reapply for it again. My aim was to expose myself to a wide range of modules offered in USP which attracted me to apply even though I threw away my early admission slip as I thought it was just another programme. I did a teaching internship programme, gave private tuition and worked as a sales promoter. I believed I've learnt many valuable skills and lessons.

I never imagined myself to have come thus far. The 18 years 0 months old me back then was just studying hard for Alevels so that I will have a wide array of courses and scholarship to chose from and to apply to. The 18 years 11 months old me discovered that life isn't that easy after all. Having said that, I'm still a teenager who just discovered that there are many things to life. There are many options to chose from and there are many doors to open. It isn't about doing well, get a scholarship, get university over and done with and followed by a job which will perhaps make my parents proud. Having gone through 8 months of play and work, I've learnt to understand how the adult life works- how to make payment, how to do a bank transfer, how to send things via a post office, how to ask for help and many other things. The first 6 months of playing made me realised my desire to learn new things, to explore the world beyond education (not that I do not want to be a teacher. As of now, I still aspire to be one) so that I wouldn't be a teacher who only focuses on academia. (I discovered this as I was teaching my Sec 1). I've also interacted with a student and her parent who depended on tuition and my answers on a day to day basis.

Given that, I didn't waste my 6 months away. I started reading articles online to keep myself abreast of news and even read articles across many disciplines. I discovered that the world out there is so big and what I know is this small. I used to be nonchalant about the world around me. I didn't spend my 10 days in Vietnam playing but I also learnt about the different cultures in Vietnam. I discovered the many places Singapore have and yet so few know about them- except for a few hipsters who traveled all the way there to take photos to post on instagram. That includes my friends and me.

Then came July, I went for USP camp and made many wonderful friends. Eventually after the camp, somehow due to peer pressure and my own YOLO moment, I joined RAG. I learnt many dance steps and ended my holidays with a performance at the floating platform on the 7th of August. That was my first performance and perhaps its likely to be my last ever dance performance for I do not have hand-eye coordination. I had to repeat a certain step for hours to ensure I get the step right and not do anything funny.

These were my #holidaygoals- taken from a blogpost on 1 April 2015.

What have I done so far? 

1. Teaching internship (I'll elaborate further when I have time to do so, but I really enjoyed teaching!) 
2. Learnt Korean! (Vivian and I scored 93 & 94 respectively in our pre-elementary test) 
3. Hiding in National library with all the chemistry and psychology books. (Its really fun but 4 hours is the maximum I can go) 
4. Improved my squash skills (I'm not kidding when I say I improved, I'll work hard to improve more)
5. Keeping in contact with friends
6. Watched a lot of drama and wasting my life (I'm only watching an ongoing drama currently. I'm decent.)

What is next?

1. Improve my English (I think my english improved)
2. Read magazines (Not tabloid magazines) (I did not read any magazines)
3. Read books (I read books)
4. Read News (I read more articles and explored some subjects)
5. 10km goal!!! (I'm still stuck at 8km. I used to hate running, I can't believe myself) (I didn't reach 10km in the end. I ended up joining Rag dance and the conditioning was crazy enough. Dance practice was almost everyday from 10am-7pm 2 weeks before RAG)
6. Skip 2000 times without dying. (I'm still at 1300 times) (I reached that before July)
7. Learn a new subject on my own. (My USP essay was the first essay I enjoyed writing and it was on cognitive psychology. Along the way when I did some research, I found that social psychology was rather interesting so I've decided to pick it up and I've actually read some of it in the National Library.) (I didn't. I actually started working as a promoter as I felt that I needed money. But I assure myself that I learnt new things as I work too.)
8. Keep in contact with friends as much as possible (I kept in contact. It was honestly... tiring)
9. Work after I come back from Vietnam. (Probably retail or f&b) (Retail!!!)
10. Improve a skill - my guitar skills (Didn't do this at all)

It's time to start doing something productive! See you! 

Promoting reflections

It's been a while since I've reflected. Yet another month passed by and it's officially the last month of my holidays.

I'm not sure if my title is obvious but I'm back to reflect on my work experience in June as a promoter. I never thought I would be back to work as a promoter in a departmental store. I will always remember Dec 2012- Jan 2013 when I worked as a promoter in multiple departmental stores. I complained that it was mundane whenever there were no customers. Nonetheless, I'm not sure what came over me - I'm 50% sure that being bored at home was a major factor - that pushed me to apply for a job as a promoter in another company in the sports department. 

I must say that my opinions matured. Being a promoter is a tough job. I took it as an experience as I meet other people working in this line for years who shared many valuable experience with me, be it while I eat in the staff canteen or am waiting for customers to appear. We (Including me) meet many different customers each day. Customers that try on every product and not buy a single thing, customers that have deep pockets and customers that buy only what they have in mind.

Customer service and patience- They're valuable skills I acquired. (I'm not sure if I'm proficient at that) I had to orientate myself. The exact location the specific item is in the departmental store (at the very least my own level and department) and the exact directions to get there from where he/she is were the first I learnt. Though I promote for my brand, satisfying the customer's request comes first even if it means to guide them to my competitor (if they request). 

Next skill I acquired was to promote another product of another brand simply because the other promoter wasn't present at the moment. Though I can't write the sales chit for them, I learnt to drag and convince the customer to stay and wait for the other promoter to come back. It was heartwarming as we help each other to keep a lookout. I truly felt my area was like a mini community/neighbourhood. 

The most important thing I've learnt was to promote my product. I spoke to this promoter when I was having lunch one day and she shared with me that the success to good sales (on condition that there are customers) was to know my products at the back of my hand and to believe in my products. I thought this aunty was stating the obvious but it's true. I didn't believe in my product because I didn't. Yet, I studied the science behind the product, and explained to customers in simplified science concepts to convince them. At the end of the day, I still don't believe in my product even though I know that it works theoretically. Fair enough I had days with $0 sales and days with an overwhelming amount of $2000. I was wrong, I should've chosen a product I believe in.

Teaching is somewhat similar to promoting. Teaching is like promoting the subject you're passionate about. As a student, I could feel it when a teacher is passionate about his/her subject. Naturally, I believe that we tend to do better with a teacher who is passionate about his//her subject no matter how bad that teacher is at teaching. Okay, I sound schizophrenic but aptitude and passion for teaching is important too. 

After all, I can't believe I actually decided to enter this service line again. A month flew past and I learnt many new lessons as I meet different people who shared different stories with me. I'm truly grateful for that. To those who stand for 12 hours for 3-4 days straight, to those who are afraid of answering to their company for poor sales (There are seriously no people on weekdays), to those who have been in this line for 20 years (Stepping in before the sun in fully up and stepping out after the sun sets), to those who enjoy promoting their products, to those who work on weekends just to earn money and to those who constantly ensure that customers are satisfied, thank you for sharing with me your work experience. As a future customer to be, I'll ensure that I'll be a considerate and responsible one.

Book Review: Finding Audrey

I never imagined myself reading another Sophie Kinsella's novel until I chanced upon a book review on Guardian and apparently the review convinced me over to read another Chick Lit book. The genre isn't totally chick lit. Instead, it was under Young Adults. With that Kinokuniya voucher Doan gave me on my birthday last year, I bought the book last Wednesday. I was hooked. I spent the entire last Friday reading this in the library whilst waiting for Alicia and Xuan as they studied for their Block Test 2 which makes me reminisce those times... That is not the point.

Who should read this book: 

1. Young Adults 
2. People who love comic writing
3. People not looking for a cliche romance book

Anyone looking for some form of comic writing, this is the book I'll recommend. As usual, Sophie never fails to make me laugh with her comic writing. I had so much fun as I read this book at night and the bulk of it in the library. She offers interesting psychological insight into anxiety disorders and depression. Though I'm not sure how true, I literally cringed when Audrey starts crawling back into her 'den' as she meets Linus or anyone new. Her struggles were seemed real such that I was able to empathise with her. Each panic attack was an interesting episode and an insightful read as she struggles with her lizard brain and her heart. Her brother is a total gaming addict while her mom is a Daily Mail addict which resulted in a huge uproar in the family. A huge conflict arises between Frank and Mom when Mom read an article on Daily Mail and finds out that Frank is addicted to gaming. A series of family conflict where Mom and Dad argues over protecting Audrey from the cause of her current situation, and on curbing Frank's addiction to gaming was definitely not helping Audrey either. I was able to draw some parallels when mommy occasionally scolds my brother after reading a certain article on addiction and daddy would be all calm. Thank god, it didn't escalate to throwing the laptop down the balcony or bringing the CPU to yoga classes. (My mom attends yoga lessons too!)

Here's the cliche part: Linus, her potential boyfriend a.k.a Frank's best friend plays a huge role in speeding up Audrey's recovery and mending the broken ties within her family. We all know that this isn't reality. For a fun read, I totally recommend this book and every other Sophie's book. She's the only author that I follow and I blame that on my mommy as she introduced the 'Shopaholic' series to me when I was a lot younger.

The book ended with a simple message- a 14 year old girl who is trying to find her identity after a fall in life. Life is never a straight graph that continues to go up as Audrey wanted. There'll always be ups and downs in life just like how a relapse may occur to a mental patient making a steady recovery.

I'll definitely read this again a few years later! (I'm still a young adult!)

The Other Side of the Classroom

It has been approximately three months after my teaching internship stint. I've written this reflection on paper a couple of weeks ago and I finally managed to find time to type it out.

The Process

When did I know that I wanted to apply for this TIP: May

What made me wish to experience being on the other side of the classroom: I attribute this self-discovery to Yen Theme, Jonathan, Evan, Hyun Jun, Bi Juan and many others. Helping my friends regularly and whenever I could for whatever subject I was able to help in made me feel that Teaching was my calling. I really love Chemistry and I felt that nothing beats studying and teaching a subject that I like. (I hope this doesn't change!) I aspired to be like Ms Yee, Mdm Lee and other lectures who help students who struggled with Chemistry. My experience in advocates inspired me to be a teacher who is a pro-active change agent for the society.

How did I apply: I requested for 'notify me' emails. SA also notified when the application portal/link is open. It started in August when I looked into the page to look at the requirements. I was horrified when we need our prelim grades, olevel grade and a personal statement on why I wanted to go for this Internship programme. I studied really hard for my prelims and I thought my mediocre grades wouldn't get me anywhere near this programme. I requested to teach Chemistry/Physics even though my Physics obtained a C grade while my math obtained a B grade. Nonetheless, I literally jumped for joy when they offered me Chemistry/Physics at Secondary interview and my interview was on the 25th of November, a day after Alevels.

Fast forward, it was the day of my interview. It was a round table interview with 6 other interviewees, a principal and a MOE officer. We were grouped according to subjects. It was basically my first official after leaving SA. Though it was an interview, it was an interesting discussion. Some of the questions posed were as such:

1. The reasons for participating in this internship stint
2. What are some difficulties do you think you will face during the internship?
3. How will you convince your cooperating teacher to approve your classroom activity?
4. What do you feel about the use of social media in today's world? (Context: as a teacher)
5. Do you think teachers should exert violence (mild) on students? 

The interview was an hour long though it didn't feel like an hour long!

A month later, I was notified that I was posted to CHIJ Toa Payoh and 2015 came. I went down to Toa Payoh before my 3 days of training. 

The Training

Day 1- How to introduce myself, interview skills, attire and behavior. Basically- administrative matters.

Day 2 &3- The training was held at NUS School of Engineering. There, I learnt the attributes of a teacher, how a teacher should behave in front of his/her students and the basic values of teaching and the mission of MOE's education. It helped me understand the curriculum better as to the reason why it is structured the way it is. I also caught a glimpse where different difficult situations arise and how we should handle them so that the students will not be at the losing end. It sound easy, yet in reality, NO. I also learnt the values of assessments, homework and testing. There are different types of questions to test different thinking levels and the depth at which students understand the topic. Writing lesson plans was an important part and the importance of having a goal at the end of the lesson- Learning Objectives, Specific Instructional Objectives (The ones on our syllabus outcome). A teacher must learn to evoke response, to get a student to reflect on their actions using different languages or peer pressure which I could draw similarity to the different methods my teachers employed in school. It sounded easy. Really.  

The Internship
There are many valuable lessons and insights into the education system that I gained during the 2 months spent in IJTP. It has affirmed my aspirations for teaching. Initially, I felt a tad weird during the first 2 weeks as it really hit me that I'm not a student anymore. Gone were those days I sat in front of the classroom and take notes diligently. I had to adjust to having students thank or greet me and I felt extremely weird whenever a student shout 'Ms Ang' across the corridor.

The first 4 weeks were spent observing my supervisors/Co-operating Teachers for Chemistry and Physics- how they conducted their lessons and how they question students in general. I observed how they give instructions to the class and their body language. The teaching methods used by my teachers vary and I was glad to be exposed and really notice 2 different types of teaching. My Chem CT usually starts with slides, followed by worksheets to be done in class while my Physics CT focused more on questions in the textbook, workbook and worksheets, only highlighting the content that is essential to take note of.

Both CTs have their own peculiar ways when it comes enforcing expectations and rules. My Physics CT will make students stay back to complete their homework. My Chemistry CT conducts file checks while they're having CTs so that they will fill up whatever blanks they have on their papers, ensuring that they studied for them. Students are to stand up whenever their work is not completed. These are a few of the many methods used. I picked up some as I go for relief classes.

I went for a number of relief classes across a variety of subjects- English, Chinese, POA, Mathematics, Malay, Geography and Social Studies- unbeknownst to myself where I became a a teacher that teach every subject available when students asked me to help them in their given assignments. Some classes would negotiate with me to release them for early recess or to submit their lessons the next day. i.e. to take back as homework and to play in class. Initially, I would. I was in their shoes! Then I realised that it wasn't the right way to go. I started setting expectations.

• 1 person is allowed to go to the toilet each time
• I employed the 正 method. A stroke will be on the bored if their noise level is beyond acceptable. Should the Chinese character be completed, I will not hesitate to hold them back for another 5 minutes. 
• Peer pressure. I told the class to finish the given work by a certain time and if one do not submit, the entire class stays. 

Conducting lessons was not as easy as what I thought. People would say 'memorise the answer, read it' or 'read from the slides'. I must say, this is definitely not the right way to go. I was a boring teacher. 

For chemistry, I was not engaging at all. I was not able to scaffold simple concepts without content overload. I learnt that Chemical Bonding wasn't as easy as what I thought. In fact, I loved that topic! Yet, I realised many found it hard to visualise 'tetrahedral' until I showed the model of the molecule. The difference between intermolecular and intramolecular was not easy to explain using words either. It took me some time to become more comfortable. Besides, I can't drone on about the bonding and those electrons to obtain some auspicious number 8 that we always teach. Hands on work is essential and allowing students to come to realise a certain property will be easier. Another method was showing videos on structures instead of textbook pictures as it is easier to visualise that way. Teaching at a secondary level was rather tricky as I cannot give too much information while I'm expected to ensure that the subject is not boring. Preventing misconceptions from the start is really one of the most important factor. Recaps are a must before lessons start proper. Towards the end, I went straight to using models and analogies to explain concepts. What slides? Classroom Activities are a must too!

Phyiscs wise was surprisingly easier as there are many phenomenon when it comes to explaining concepts of force and moments. Class practice is important in a way as I used to struggle with physics and had my own secret stash of shortcuts when it comes to applying concepts. I did not teach a specific topic per se. As physics is my second teaching subject, I teach part of different topics, mark worksheets, CAs and go through them in class. The marking was not as easy as what I thought. Some times, I wondered what I taught in class as there were many creative answers, new lab instruments and new theories made in their answers. I was like them years back. Looking for careless mistakes meant staring at those workings as some added denominators and I wasn't sure how to bring them up in the next lesson. I had to identify systematic common misconceptions made on paper and I have to clarify them before the CAs. 

Classroom management was fine as the classes I've been to have obedient students who listen to the rules listed. It was really hard for me to scold due to incomplete work as I wasn't the main teacher. Well, should I be given the chance again, I'll definitely scold and set my own expectations at the start of the year and follow through. 

CCA wise was an eyeopening experience. I was never in a sports CCA. Yet, I was assigned to be a teacher-in-charge of netball. I had no idea what the requirements for sports CCA were and the responsibilities a teacher has to undertake. Netball was their niche CCA and so the girls had a lot of training sessions. It was really tiring for them as one told me that she couldn't find time to study for her CA. I felt helpless as all I could do was to advise her on time management. I observed how the other teachers motivated the girls and looked after their welfare. Missing their lessons so they can follow the girls out on competitions and ensuring their safety are one of the many things teachers have to do. I didn't notice my teachers effort till then. They do not just take their attendance!!! I was so proud when their hard work paid off as they managed to clinch the South Zone Champion title and move on to the national championships. 

All in all, I was glad when my students thanked me and said that I've inspired them to study harder. (Phew, I thought I was useless.) Given another chance, I'll start on the right foot and find the right method to teach as quickly as possible. Different classes have different learning styles. Lesson plans cannot be used throughout the cohort but to be tailored accordingly. I am truly humbled to be given this opportunity.