I am rather disappointed with myself as this isn't the university education I envisioned to have. At the moment, I really wish that I can turn back the clock and restart semester 1 proper as I really wasn't in into studying and actually completely lost motivation as I continued pursuing chemistry as my major. I honestly dislike how my inorganic chemistry module was taught as it was all about memory work. Then again, taking a step back, I really wondered if chemistry is the right choice for me as I am really uncertain of what I want to do in the future. I've yet to experience the lab life and therefore I do not have sufficient experience to mention about research life and currently, I feel that I'm entering uncharted waters. As for my math module, I wasn't learning. I was just being comfortable with what I know and barely put in any effort for math. I wasn't sure of what I was doing as I thought I chose chemistry and not math. Yet, math is seen to be an integral part of physical chemistry. I guess, I don't have a choice.
As for my USP modules, I grew to understand how misleading the term 'scholar' is and the amount of effort I have to put in for my modules that I felt that chemistry is my second major. I've an essay that is still 5% done and I do not really know what I'm writing. This may sound surprising but I have come to like USS as a module even though it takes time and effort for a 2MC CS/CU module. It is amazing how pieces of knowledge come together and the different issues raised pertaining to each theory. This goes out to Quantum reality and Appearance too. I felt that I genuinely learnt something even though I could have put in more effort in my bell's inequalities and basically the mathematics involved in this module even though it was not essential. I'm glad my interest didn't die even though this module was so tough that I basically step out of class with a headache or spend 6hours thinking about a tutorial.
As I'm typing this blog post, I really wish that I could turn back the clock to the start of the semester. I wished I put in more effort to get to know my friends better, to take part in rc life and to put in more effort in my modules as I felt that I barely learnt anything unless a submission comes and I scurry to look for my notes and start reading up. Socially, I'm unsure if I grew to be a quieter person as I felt as if I grew both ways. I do not know what I'm doing as on one hand, I made many friends and on the other, I do not have many close friends. Basically I'm a phantom. At times I would rather eat alone than eat with my friends as I simply don't feel like talking. Sometimes, I detest the fact that I just can't stay still and I detest the fact that I have to sleep and wake up early. I dislike how I do not have common topics with people. The only thing I can do is to start putting in effort.
Wew this semester is full of regrets. And I will try not to make the same mistake next semester.
Speaking of which, there have been a lot of changes in my life. Living alone in the hostel isn't an easy feat for me when mommy isn't there to do my laundry or clean my room for me. I never noticed how I comply with the second law of thermodynamics so easily and I tend towards more disorder such that things get so messy and I basically can't live in such a condition that I have to clean up my room almost 2-3 days. There isn't mommy to clean for me. At the same time, I moved away from Bishan. I really miss Bishan as it was such a prime location and door 17 (Weixin will know this). I miss how there was a park for me to run or cycle in when I don't feel like doing anything. I miss Beatrice and how we could meet whenever we want because we stayed so near each other. (Beat this goes out to you and sorry vivvy though I stay really near you right now) Yifen is in UK so basically evening park sessions are over. Taking a step back, many things have changed over this 15 weeks and habits have changed too. My current room is half the size of my Bishan room and I have yet to adjust to how puny this room is. There are so many facilities to be used and I have yet to use any of them except the gym. I had to adjust to remember that I need an access card to enter the compound or I'll be stuck outside unless I tailgate other residents in into area. (Happens sometimes) Wew such a huge change in lifestyle... HAHA (trying to make this post less solemn)
Well, all in all, 15 weeks (Including week 0 and recess week) flew by just like that and I guess it is just part of me growing up and adapting to my surroundings. Here's to a more productive reading week and even better 7 semesters ahead. (:
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