Anyway what brings about this post was of course something that triggered my temper which led me here.
I've no idea which of these that I did today that triggered my temper...
1) physics 2005 paper 2
2) emath cedar 2011 paper 1
4) chemistry 2004 paper 1
3) amath cedar 2011 paper 1
I think chemistry shouldn't be the one that triggered my temper... But I think it was emath? or physics? I don't know.
Firstly, I don't get why prelims are set in such a stinky disgusting way which is different from O levels. Even the question types are different. I just don't get it why?
What is the point of doing the prelim then? I just like freaking realised that I need to memorise all my definition which takes up around 10%-20% of the stinky disgusting paper. Or why do schools even teach and test stuff that are not in the syllabus?
Okay don't get me wrong like I'm such a hypocrite because I got angry with the prelim paper and I still did the prelim paper.. I just got annoyed.. And now I'm blaming myself for not memorising any definitions or anything for science or whatsoever. Because I got through without memorising for chemistry or physics with an A1/B3 and I just got shocked at the Olevel paper at the type of questions they're asking. Not saying that its easy but its frustrating you know.
Speaking frankly, when I first opened the ten year series book, I expected the papers to be similar to the prelim papers (approximately 16) that I completed before prelim because like what every teacher says... PRELIM PAPERS ARE A GOOD GAUGE OF YOUR RESULT. My foot.
I mean yes they tests the concepts and all but I feel like shit. for math, I feel like a genius but for physics and chemistry, at times I feel like shit.
Especially when I realised that as the years go by starting from 2005 (where I stopped), the paper just gets harder. Who says Os are easy. Liars.
Okay, I'm probably the loser here.
This is so stressful. Did cedar emath paper today and I feel like cursing so badly because I'm so careless and all. Its not that I don't know. Im just so careless I feel like killing myself.
Besides, the preparation sucks like shit.
Look, I'm dropping hair. WTH.
And I'm having pimples. screw it.
Then my hands start to tremble for no good reason. Like I've some disease or something. Maybe I really do. But then I realised I'm not the only one with this symptom... but its not funny and not fun okay.
At times, I just wake up and think that "why am I here. I should be dead or something"
Then I feel like crawling back on my bed and go back into my dream.
Sometimes, I don't feel like eating and I just feel that if I eat, I'm gonna die and fail Os.
If not I'd over eat and I'd feel so guilty I feel like puking or feel like sleeping.
Some day, I wake up with a swollen eye or an eye that is so freaking dry that it hurts. And I start to panic.
If not when I poop (sorry, tahan this. if not don't read) I feel like screaming my lungs out along with the effect.
Other times, I have some feeling that I've some disease and I'm gonna die.
If not I'd get so scared that I cannot sleep at night because I've got too much energy to burn and just wakes up early in the morning so that I won't become nocturnal..
Apart from that I do get panic attacks and start to wonder why.
Or I would have a headache and I feel like crawling back and not study anymore.
Sometimes when I study, my mind starts to wonder and goes into the worst areas.
Then I start to get paranoid that I may fall sick and start drinking water or take my temperature frequently.
Sorry, I have issues. I don't dare go near anyone sick or wtv. Usually I wouldn't care but I'm very paranoid now. And because I'm drinking a lot of water, I keep on going to the loo..
Like imagine if I fall sick... Urgh. I'd be so screwed.
I really feel like giving up. This is so tough.. This is really tough. I really wanna have a carefree lifestyle. And now I'm forcing myself to stay away from my phone. It isn't hard but it isn't easy either because at times I feel like dying because of seeing rectangular stuff including this laptop.
I need to go and see leaves, trees and odd shape stuff. Don't feel like using my phone now but at times there is this strong desire to tweet stuff like "Live while we're young on the radio now" Retarded. I know.
I'm sorry I'm not being my usual motivated self.
I just got really really frustrated. I don't know what to do now. I don't know how am I going to survive the next 2 weeks. Its exaclty 14 days till the start of the war and more than 1 month to the end.
By the way, I don't think that sg education is screwed up but I'm just very fascinated... I was studying with beatrice at the CC once and the girl beside us was holding the thickest file/book ever. WTH. It says "PSLE SCIENCE" Are you kidding me. Some facts are not even real. LOL at least teach real ones la. Wtv doesn't concern me now.
k, enough of my incoherent rant. I don't mean any insult or what. I'm just very vexed now. Like HOW AM I GONNA PUSH FROM A B4 TO A DECENT A2 FOR COMBINE HUMANITIES AND ENGLISH. My lowest grade and probably the ones that are gonna kill me for Os. I'm currently very worried now. Urghhhhhh.
I shall go memorise geog and ss now. Cannot give up. I must say "I must score A1" Like what I always tell keyue but now, I'm telling myself. bahhhhh.
prelim grade:
English: B4
Geog: B3 ( I was hoping for A1. :( )
ss-hist: B4 (I was aiming for B3... :( )
Emath: A2
Amath: A2
Chemistry: A1
Phyiscs: B3
Chinese: A2
Chinese isn't part of my preim but with chinese... L1R5... 14.
Target Olevel grade:
English: A2
Chinese: A2 (not target)
Pure geography: A1
Ss-hist: B3
Emath: A1
Amath: A1
Chemistry: A1
Phyiscs: A1
L1R5: 7
Seems so damn bloody far and impossible. Can score less than 10 can alr luh.
k byebye. feeling less frustrated now.
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