Year 2 Semester 1

This came a little too late. I mean- Year 2 Semester 1 has ended exactly a month ago.

Pardon my belated post as Year 2 Semester 1 was an emotional wreckage and has taken a toll on my emotional health. I've spent the past month recovering with the help of my friends. :-) 

First and foremost, I've lost my motivation to study. I wasn't interested in studying as I regret my decision to enter NUS to pursue a degree in Chemistry. Ironically, I had taken an interest in academia and am really interested in pursuing a teaching career in the future. I wasn't able to see "why" I was doing what I was doing as I had little interest in a research career. 

I honestly didn't think I would have gotten these grades without the help of my fellow Chem major friends and my tutees. My tutees (3 A levels and 1 N level)  have spurred me to put a spin to what I've learnt in school to apply in lessons with many "did you know". 

Though they're mediocre and pale in comparison when compared with others, I must say I am satisfied. My grades took a slide from a first class to a very stable second uppers, requiring a number of Bs to fall below 4.00. 

Current CAP: 4.17

Approx no. of As to pull up to 4.5: 7

Approx no. of Bs to pull down to 3.99: 7

1) CM2142 Analytical Chemistry 1 

I've truly enjoyed this module. In fact, this is the only module I've done well for this semester. Prof Jason Yeo has taught this module such that has enabled me to see "why Chemistry" and the objective uses of Chemistry. Using what I've learnt from this module, I was able to clearly explain to my tutees different uses of Chemistry and to meet the objective of the 'A' level chemistry syllabus stating that 

"Experimental work is an important component and should underpin the teaching and learning of Chemistry" - MOE & UCLES, 2014

I must admit that I skipped almost every lecture as it was at 8am and I 1/8 into the semester I was sleeping at 4am almost everyday.

2) CM2101 Physical Chemistry 2
I expected better for this module but I've a decent grade (B+) considering that I literally broke down before the paper. I was under a lot of stress as my carelessness during my CA which has caused me be on top of the bell curve. My desire to get an A- has resulted in a breakdown. I was unable to distinguish "P" and "R" branch and was not able to recall any formula or definition I have memorised. For CT and Hongsy has pulled me through during that morning and afternoon that I did not blank out during my finals and I am certain I performed my very best during finals.
What this module taught me was to be careful, sleep earlier and do not study at the last minute. Finals was at 5pm and I was completely jittery throughout the day.
On a lighter note- this module has taught me how to "see" molecules. Using that I've learnt, I've spun it into simpler terms for my tutees who question "how I know sia."

3) CM2192 Experiments in Chemistry 3 (Analytical and Physical) 
This is probably the most stressful module ever that I've taken in NUS. There were 10 lab reports (average 3%), 1 written test (2 components- Analytical and physical), 2 viva voce and 2 practical examinations. It was the module that required most of my attention other wise known as "Extremely Attention Seeking". I dreaded 6 hours every week (followed by 2 hours of tutorial) and usually ended my day by vegetating on my bed after lab.
I had immense difficulty with this module as I did not know what I was doing at times. I recall distinctly when my first lab session was on HPLC and I didn't understand what was going on as I did not learnt HPLC before. Moreover, I wrote a long report on gas chromatography without learning it under CM2142. I felt as if I was living in constant nightmare as I started with analytical basket first (earlier in the semester) as I was confused and was under immense pressure to perform. For the analytical component, I procrastinated my lab reports as I was unable to understand what was going on and left them to the last 5 days before the submission. That was 5 reports in 5 days. It was impossible and I cried on some nights as I was horrified as I had no one to ask (my friends did physical first).
Looking back, I've truly learnt a lot from this module as I managed to see how theory is being applied to practice. It was rather stupid of me to be under immense stress because I actually did pretty well. I scored a B+ for this module and my lab reports were rather well written (Average: b/w B+ & A-) & my written tests too. Regardless, I felt that I've learnt a lot under this module. In fact, (this sounds cliche) google has helped me a lot with "how to xxxx excel cell" etc and helped me understand certain concepts. I'm just glad I survived. :-)
Likewise, I've used what I've learnt in lab to explain SPA to my students :-)
Oh and I'm very confident of excel. #selftaught

4) UHB2207 Language, Cognition and Culture
My first arts inquiry just went by. I'm currently left with 3 arts inquiry modules. I'm extremely grateful for Prof Peter Vail as prior to this course, I've never imagined myself studying linguistics and the issues prevailing language. I've enjoyed my papers as the three papers were truly interesting and exciting :-) I've analysed my use of Singlish in lessons and how it affects the way I way I think when I deliver lessons, reasons for switching to Singlish and my gestures which follows my codeswitch to Singlish.
For an arts inquiry, I'm extremely happy with my B+ because I'm not good at writing. Not to mention, I actually enjoyed writing my papers.
A key take away from LCC is that Singlish has syntax and therefore it can be counted as a language and there is such thing as bad Singlish. While some may say,

"Through language I can learn culture"

the Nicole now, disagrees. This module has raised my awareness regarding the choice of words central to this issue. It has taught me to raise questions critically and carefully which I would say it's one of my greatest take away for this module apart from being aware of how Singlish could be useful in teaching (though, largely frowned upon by the government).

5) UNL2206 Nature's Threads
A science inquiry which aims to weave the development of ideas from Faraday to Maxwell and finally, Einstein. It was a rather disappointing science module as it wasn't like a science module at all! Rather, it felt like a philosophy module with 60-70% of the module based on the history of ideas. There was very little problem solving even lesser emphasis on writing the report from our experiments on static electricity and the calculating of the speed of light.
However, I've truly enjoyed the hands on experiment and attempting to explain the observed phenomena first hand based on the theory learnt. I would not want to have a refresher on static electricity and magnetism another way. It was very different from the way I've learnt for 'O' levels (via pen and paper) and provided many insights. Yet, upon reaching special relativity, there was very little emphasis on problem solving (different from the way I learnt in PC1144) and it felt very glossy and unlike science.
Nonetheless, I've enjoyed learning how physicists in the past conceive the ideas we deem as arbitrary/lame/useless/simple today and I've learnt how to appreciate this development of ideas. :-)


I survived year 2 semester 1. My most grueling semester ever and will not be the only one. Upon changing my perspective midway through the semester, the modules in this semester has rather shaped my direction towards in academia and I'll do my very best to either maintain my CAP or improve my CAP.

Lessons learnt: 
1) Time management 
I was sleeping at 4am almost everyday and woke up at 10am/10.30am. It was terrible as I even missed breakfast on some days.
I chose to stay till 4am because I seldom study in the morning before class starts.
10 hours of tuition a week was enjoyable, albeit too much
2) Social interaction + Goal 
When I've found a goal, studying was so much easier.
I chose to study with my friends during the finals period as it was much easier for my mental health. I'm sure I'll miss this in year 3 when everyone else goes on exchange- when you're bored and everyone else is bored and start chatting. It simply brightens up my mood. :-) Not to mention the emotional support.

For the next semester, I've signed up for less academic stuff which I hope will pull me through the semester.
And I need to exercise more frequently too.

On a final note, I'll like to thank Shao, Crazy Bijez, USCanSER and #15-100 for a wonderful semester. May the next semester be a more fulfilling one for everyone.

Ocamp'16

USC Ocamp'16 is the third camp I ran, this time as vice project-director (Camp commander and camp OIC previously). There were a few questions my close friends (those who ran the other 2 camps alongside with me) asked as I complained more than I ate over the last 2 months which made me reflect during the process and after execution from time to time. 

Firstly, I would like to say that I didn't get this role through an interview. It was through cronyism. My PD, Jileen, employed me as VPD  because I am her good friend with experience. I had initial intentions to join Logistics as I knew logistics was always the hardest and everyone needed LOGs. Yet, it was hard to say no when the opportunity to take on a better role showed up right before my face. Therefore, I chose to join as Ocamp'16 Vpd instead.

Comparing this camp to my previous 2 camps, I felt that this role was significantly harder this time round due to funding restrictions, protocols to adhere to and also because I was never a vice or assistant before. I found it difficult to check with my PD before making a decision as I always made decisions on my own. There was no teacher to advise us and to help us with the official documents. Essentially, I learnt that I am a micro-manager. It takes a micro-manager to know another. Thus, I learnt to take a step back, to strike a balance between micro-managing and macro-managing. 

The importance of PR. The process of planning FOP and the planning of Ocamp has both burnt bridges completely and partially. There was a need to satisfy the people on the ground. And there will be an earthquake when the ground isn't satisfied. Jileen describes this phenomena as, "I heard rumblings from the ground a day ago. I did not expect an earthquake." There were many incidents that parallel modern day politics. There was also a need to satisfy the direct higher-ups. The structure of FOP comm and the chain of command was basically a simple school camp commitee, blown up to a larger scale. Moving up the FOP comm, there's NUSSU. This may seem irrelevant but looking back, my camp comm 2 years back seems really puny as compared to FOP comm this time round. 

Cronyism. Working with friends was an issue as I had to be careful in order not to burn any bridges in any direction. Cronyism could be an advantage if you work well with your friends and a major disadvantage if you can't work well with your friends. It was genuinely a problem for me (I'm really sorry) as there was a difference in certain views and work ethics that made me extremely irritable. I just couldn't convey it for I know my friend well. It was the bridge that I had to hold which irritated me further. 

The temper I never knew existed. I blew up at my friend twice in a short span of 2 weeks. I didn't know such a monster could exist in me. I never once blew up in the classroom, at my students and at my friends. Now that I am aware of its existence, I am extremely wary of it. 

What ticked me off: Accountability. 

People who are not accountable irritated me. I just didn't understand why some people couldn't just reply or send a text stating that they're late and the reason for being late. Some people could ignore 5 different people asking the same question. Some people just go absent halfway through an activity without any reason, only to come back acting like nothing had happened.

For that, I knew that I will never want to work with someone who is not accountable. This is a trait I will want to pass on to my students and friends. With this, I conclude that accountability comes responsibility.  

As cliche as it sounds, communication was a key take away too. From simple actions to forwarding emails to complicated actions such as explaining action plans and the dissemination of last minute information could result in annoyance. For us, we had a bot to disseminate information to CVOGLs. On one hand, it was good as it reduces spamming in group chats. Yet, many people disseminating information through the bot at the same time was confusing. It was an abuse of communication channels and would be a big problem if not handled carefully. What happened during camp was the conflicting information sent out regarding an update of the timing. It made things very complicated and confusing. Therefore, I brought up in the AAR that only one person should disseminate information through the bot during the course of the event to prevent any miscomms. The heads should discuss before disseminating information rather than 3 people sending 3 different things. It worked for the subsequent few days and I think its a major learning point for everyone as communication channels are essentially very advanced these days and any misuse can result in poorer communication and not better communication.

Always plan for the worst. We overlooked wet weather plan which landed us in some extremely hot soup. The weather forecast stated that there would be thunderstorms during beach day. I was anxious. And it really cost us our sleep the night before. We had to come up with an entirely detailed action plan during the night games into the wee hours. I thought to myself: There was no way I could forget about the wet weather (in particularly- when travelling to sentosa). Moreover this was the 3rd camp I ran. Ms Ho, my JC CCA teacher in-charge, always told me that if I fail to plan, I plan to fail. Yes, it's a common saying and I overlooked it. Despite all that, I am grateful that we didn't have to activate wet weather plan and I was glad we just didn't have to. Above all that, wet weather plan is extremely important in Singapore and is not meant to be forgotten.

And never do things at the last minute. Always be aware of the deadlines. 

Nonetheless, many bonds were formed along the way during the camp. The constant feedback loop between the OGLs and the comm has helped us to improve our games. The number of people I've spoken to during that 4 days was a lot more than the number of people I've spoken to during the second half of the semester. It's never too late to learn new things and I'm glad to be given this chance. All hail cronyism. Kidding. Thanks Jilee. 

Summer has finally begun. The past two months brought quite a bit of tears to my eyes, awoken the monster in me and was tiring for me. I just want to say a big thank you for everyone's support though no one is going to read this and a big thank you to camp comm for being part of my summer, for the emotional support, the physical support (lel LOGs) and making my summer a meaningful one. We've come a long way since the moment this comm was formed and more significantly, since OGL camp. 

It's time for me to wind down and rest for the next 3 weeks. 

#FOPneverENDS

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What was left out: 

1) Organisation of LOGs

LOGs team played an extremely important role in terms of telling us how visible our LOGs were 

2) Safety 

Apart from wet weather that we missed out, every activity was planned with safety in mind. 

I may sound passive aggressive but I'm actually being neutral here. Everything stated is exactly as what I observe to happen.

Psst It has been 2 days since I last stepped out of the house, first time this year and it feels great!!! 

Things I've learnt in Year 1

Year 1 officially ended last Wednesday. University was indeed a wild ride for the last 2 semesters. It went by too quickly such that it seemed so surreal that summer break is finally here and I'm officially 1/4 done with university. Looking back, I've really learnt many things above academics in the first year. So here are a few things that I've learnt in year 1.

1. Studying at the last minute/Doing assignments at the last minute

"I'm going to turn over a new leaf." 

I say this after pulling half an all nighters for an assignment. Eventually, towards the end of the semester, half an all nighters became 3/4 all nighters and eventually a full all nighter just to submit an assignment. I've accepted the fact that I have the tendency to push things to the last minute especially when its something I dread such as having to write an essay. I've also accepted the fact that starting early will still lead to some last minute editing of assignments because you're too scared to submit and hence many hours will be spent on recursive drafting be it an essay or an assignment. I never thought the 2am life was real as I've never stayed past 2am for the past 19 years of my life until university happened.

2. Assignments will always pile 
"Alevels will be the hardest period in your academic life"
Yes, Alevels was the hardest exam in my life thus far. But in retrospect, Alevels did not prepare me sufficiently to constantly meet deadlines and the ability to handle so many things at once. No matter how I think, Alevels was hard because of the grades and the desire to get to university and to get to the course I wanted. Yet, in university, we could have a "PW" like report to submit every week, group projects and many assignments to be submitted and graded. It is a continual assessment. Assignments pile week after week, the pile never gets thinner unless the semester has ended.
Then again, it's an endless cycle isn't it. I've read many articles online regarding how university education has not prepared the author for work life.
I would complain to my friends every week and towards the end, I figured that I should focus all my energy on finishing my reports/essays instead of complaining.

Well, I'll probably have to live with it. No course is ever easy. I've paid $700 for each module and I definitely want to make my final route in my education worth it since I've entered university.

3. Making friends 
I've made many friends in university. Every conversation to me felt like I was climbing a very steep mountain using a dangerous route. I would see it as a way of making friends who may be useful to me in the future. I wouldn't confide in any of my uni friends (except for 2-3 of them) if I've problems. In fact, I would go straight to my JC friends or my secondary school friends to tell them of my problems. I guess towards the end of the semester, I've literally miss out on everything as I was too tired of socialising. I really didn't know I would die out this quickly. I thought I was more on the extrovert side but now I guess I could go on for hours without even opening my mouth.

I wasn't able to really find a close group of friends except the chem majors as we take the same lessons together. I am truly glad for them.

Looks like I've to put in effort next semester again for I've drifted way too far and I'm actually starting to FOMO. 

4. Independent Living  
 Living in the hostel has taught me a few things:

1. Be clean and be neat. No one is there to clean up your bin and your mess. Many people step in and out of my room and therefore, I had to ensure to keep it neat. 
2. Do your laundry. Initially, I would wait till the last minute to do my laundry and ended up having to wait till 1am for my laundry to finish before I could bathe. I learnt how to clear the lint and fold my clothes properly. 
3. Noise pollution. Live with it. 
4. Nag at yourself because no one is there to nag at you. Yes. No one is there to tell you to bathe, to sleep and to eat. 

So this is how independent living feels like. I like living in the hostel because of the freedom I have but it was really lonely at times when the only 2 private places I'm entitled to is my room and the toilet.

5. Punctuality

I've decided to take this out separately from the rest because I realised I'm late for almost every lesson. I've learnt my lesson to NEVER put back to back lessons when the shuttle bus is required because I was NEVER on time for my lesson and I am actually very ASHAMED of myself even though it was inevitable. Semester 2's timetable was slightly better as I could have 2 free days every alternate weeks but the back to back schedule totally killed me every Monday, Tuesday and Friday. And next semester will be the same thing again albeit I'll try to my best to arrange it in a way such that I will not miss my meals and have to rush from one location to another. Definitely not looking forward to travelling back and forth Utown and FoS. Not that I didn't plan my timetable carefully but my timetable will always be this packed. But I will strive to be a more punctual student if possible. 

6. Life is unfair

It will always be. 

some people just don't deserve anything. and I want to change just that. 

7. Finding myself 

I'm actually lost. Uni didn't teach/help me to find myself. Uni has made me feel that there is a need for repeated introspection of myself. I'm not directionless but there are other aspects that I'm still lost. I hope summer and year 2 will help me out. 

There are many other lessons I've learnt in Year 1 that are not as significant here and I must say that I've been very blessed to have friends who supported me through 2 semesters. Evan and gang who would come to Utown to have a meal with me. USChem who has helped me with my studies, hear me complain and all the fun times we have during meal times and really, many other friends. I've grown a lot and I do not regret my decision to come to NUS. I hope to take these lessons to year 2 as I continue my final phase in my journey in the education system before I hop on to the other side of the education system. 

 

Do not underestimate yourself

I honestly thought I was going to be dead. Not literally.

Context: 

It's week 11 tomorrow. I'm left with 3 weeks to the end of the semester. Assignments are piling. 

I missed 5 alarms and woke up at 10.30am this morning. It was 2 hours later than my intended time. I looked at my to-do list and I thought my future was going to be bleak if I continued to slack. Thus, I pushed my phone aside and rushed back to cinnamon to get myself together instead of lazing at home. 

It has been 12 hours since I last visited instagram, telegram, snapchat and whatsapp on my phone. *As I glanced at my to-do list, I realised that I've striked almost EVERYTHING (chemistry long lab report, physics lab report, organic chem lecture 21, organic chem self-assessment on lecture 21, movie for WCT, personal vision essay for CFG1010, organic chem mass tutorial) on the list. I am insanely proud that I had completed what I had set aside to achieve for the past 12 hours. To be fair, I finished my lab reports (raw and unedited) on Saturday night at 3am and I edited and cleaned them up today.

The me right now at 11pm feels completely different from my bleak morning for was extremely pessimistic and upset with my time management this morning. I underestimated myself and was EXTREMELY frustrated. Never would I have known that I could really accomplish that much in a span of 12 hours which I aimed to complete in 3 days.**

Nonetheless, I really have to stop getting distracted, stop procrastinating and stop pushing things to the last minute though my productivity increased by 10x. I could have completed more than what I have set aside. So here's to a more productive final 5 weeks of this semester!***

Happy Easter :)) 

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*I can be contacted on facebook and I used web tele once for an urgent matter. That was because I left my red pencil at home and I had to ask my friend if I've a red pencil in his room since I ONLY use a red pencil.  

**I barely scraped past this week. I actually aimed to do more than what I have done. 

***3 weeks to the end of lessons. 5 weeks due to reading week and finals. 

Many more assignments coming up! 

YOU MAY THINK THAT THIS BLOGPOST IS A DISTRACTION BUT THIS BLOGPOST SERVES AS A REMINDER FOR MYSELF. 

Penning Down my Thoughts

"Why this pen?"

"Wow, how many of such pens do you have?" 

"Is it really that good?" 

"Can you not be so picky?" 

There's this pen that I use and I only use. I have been using this pen ever since the start 2014 and I don't think I'll ever change my pen unless I run out of it. I am currently left with 8 boxes of such pens and I certainly do intend to get more of it from Vietnam. 

On the surface, this is a gel pen and therefore, it smudges. The ink runs out quickly and has a lifespan of approximately 3 General Paper essays (12 Pages I suppose). Yet, this pen is very smooth and makes me feel better at my seemingly ugly handwriting compared to my peers. Yes, my male friends would always comment on my ugly handwriting relative to other girls. (Some of them even have nicer handwriting than mine!). 

That's such a superficial description of my favourite pen. Not that good after all.

This pen has a name called the 90 rank points pen. A dear friend of mine (Doan) who uses this pen scored 90 rank points all the time. Doan would bring back boxes of such pens from Vietnam for my friends and I to use ever since we became closer at the end of J1. I remember fondly how we used to have boxes of such pens inside our common locker as we used this pen to do our tutorials, take notes, complete our revision packages and finally take our exams. J2 was a year when my grades (my friends' grades) picked up. We eventually did well for alevels (not 90 but for some of us, a jump in 30-40 rp). This includes Doan who scored 90 rank points. That's our lucky pen. I wouldn't attribute our success solely to this lucky pen but having seen many batches of this pen come and go during the process develops sense of attachment to this pen.  

Now, this pen holds a deeper meaning for me. Before Doan left Singapore and Vietnam for Canada to pursue her dream and studies, she brought in many more boxes for us to use, hoping that this would last as long as possible. Hence, one can see how I ONLY use this pen when I take any exams or when I do my work. Not only does this pen remind me of those days when we studied together and motivated each other, it additionally reminds me of Doan and the memories that we (including other friends) shared together in J1 and J2. 

University is indeed a lonely place despite being very blessed with a close group of friends from the same major and same residential college as me. Being selfish for wanting to hold on to such fond memories of those days, no other pen can replace my favourite 90 rank points lucky pen as I continue to motivate myself to work hard.

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Pen is made in Korea but can only be found in Vietnam at a really cheap price. 

This blog post was written and edited instead of writing my final draft for a module called Sites of Tourism & it is inspired by a friend who was puzzled by how I only stick to one pen.